Tired Me? Tired Me Not?

Been feeling really tired these days. Perhaps its work, perhaps I'm old, perhaps I need a jog but probably I just need sleep.

Yet, I've been enjoying what I have been doing these days. Its just like wat ppl says if u enjoy wat u r doing, you won't mind even if its tiring. U may not even think that its tiring at all.

Still, physically and logically I do feel tired. So I slept since 7pm today. And yes I went for a jog just now at 12am. Quite nice to jog tonight coz its rather cool.

Tonight is rather a onlineless night. I figured that most of us must have been tired. I see lotsa tired faces in school these days. I kind of get used to the routine of special term already. And all the negative feelings that comes with it. Stress, frustrations, irritations, helplessness, giddiness, messiness, hunger and at times anger. I guess all these are self-imposed. Like wat Wei Song says he has more or less seen it through.

Was listening to Ai Qing Bu Neng Zuo Bi Jiao. Though its now exactly a new song. But I somehow kind of like it still. Maybe I am able to show empathy to whoever that been through that kind situation. Anyways I think I shd go sleep so there will be 1 less tired face tomolo.

Thank God I smell weekend.

Helen Keller

Weekend was over before I even realised it. Spent well with meeting old frds. Things seems pretty much the same. Usual talking, irritating each other and laughing at stupid jokes. We are still the same though we all know that we have moved on. In one way or another. But some things never change.

Yet the weekend ended in a far from ideal way. Perhaps, I chose to be so pissed. But I am indeed upset. Thanks to cute, small little gal for her Chunky Kit Kat. She is also known as Fantastic Gal. Decided to extend that for 1 more week since u bought me Kit Kat.

Anyways this blog is delicated to my e-pal. Really thank you for the e-card. Ur sms, emails and now e-cards. They always come at the right time when I was feeling really down. In the card it wrote:

"Keep Ur face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Its what the Sunflowers do." Helen Keller

My favourite is actually from her too. It says: "Your Heart has its reasons that reasons do not understand."

Anyways I just wanna thanks those who I grumbled to and those who r there. Thanks

Good Weekday End

A good end to the weekdays perhaps. Finally, I managed to complete whatever lab work I have to do. Begining to enjoy doing them rather than to work fast simply for the fact of completing my schedule. Guess I was being rather impatient. Patience has to be cultivated I figured. Still have a lot to work on it.

Went to Bugis after discussing the "skit" which we took less than 1/2 hr. Perhaps we r quite bo chup, but somehow things will definitely work out somehow. I have faith in my grp that in one way or another, we definitely can create some form of entertainment. Make work fun, then its no longer work. Applies to labwork as well.

Very glad that we went out after school, though I have been out everyday of the week except Tuesday. Wanna get Wei Song's present on the spot but too bad that we did not find anything that suits him. Have to go present hunting another day. Was feeling rather bad that I did not know that its his bday on the coming Sunday until Wan Wah announced. Maybe I'm too preoccupied with myself. A personality test says I'm rather self-centred. Time for reflection again.

Something I realised for the past 2 days. Sometimes comfort dun come with words. Silence can bring lotsa comfort too. Though its resulted from us being too tired to think and talk. But I feel that if a person can be with another person and not talk at all and be at ease is rarer than to be able to talk and talk and talk none stop, coz talk is cheap. Treasure the comfort. Still striking a balance is still the best. A Good Weekday End.

Tired

I figured this will be another depressing entry. Rather upset over school and lab work. Perhaps I think too highly of myself. I am not that good afterall. I thought I will be able to handle my labwork pretty well. I thought wrongly I guess. I'm tired after only 1 week of this special term. So many more years to go. I hope I can get through.

Other stuffs bothered me today as well. I was feeling rather irritated. Maybe I should just go to sleep. And stop making this entry depressing.

A Week

1 week down, actually only almost down coz tomolo I still have school. I hate school, work or anything besides sleeping on Saturday morning. Anyway, this week has been a rather different experience from what we have been doing for the previous terms. We have a lot more lab sessions, and are learning a lot new stuffs within this week.

Thank God, I understand most of the things becoz I have quite a fair bit of background knowledge. Maybe that's why I have a rather high expectations for myself. I was rather upset with myself that I am moving off rather slowly. Getting stuck at finding teeth and mounting them. Blame it on my laziness I think. Supposed to have done it over the hols. Depression started to set in becoz of some other reasons as well. Thankfully I managed to catch up quite a bit today. Thats all about work I figured.

Perhaps all my stress are self inflicted. If I were to be less competitive, I will feel more relax I think. But I think its really hard to keep up with my coffee breaks when I am behind time and when the whole world is working like crazy. Still, I am partially in hols mood. I rarely come home straight after school. Out to do things I like. Trying to make the best out of my day, when around 1/3 is spent in school. But I must say that I do really enjoy my lab sessions alot, doing stuffs that I like. Perhaps I can do better if I relieve the stress factors.

I always wonder how would it be like being the operator when I was still an assistant. Now I getting to know why dentist deserved to be well-paid. I am getting a bit proud of my soon to be profession. I really hope I can be an outstanding clincian. For my patients in the near future, I will make sure I know my work.

Findings

Today is quite a bad day. Bad start for school I think. Teeth problems, Heart problems, Hearing Problems and Sleeping Disorder.

Though, things did not turn out the way I would have liked it to. I am still glad that I am so sure on my part, almost never have I felt it before. Finding Nemo seems so much easier compared to me trying to find a way out of this circle. I think that Wei Hon is most likely to be correct. Still, I choose to be a fool. I forsee how things will end, though I still have hope. Why make myself so cheap I asked? Its going to be painful I know. In fact, I have started feeling the pain.

Sorry ppl, I just wanna complain. I think I am really not cut up to accomplish anything. Only know how to whine and complain where in fact nothing can be resolved at the end of the day. Quite a loser I figured. Suddenly, I think very little of myself. Where is the pride I used to have? I am finding.

When U Grow Up.

Am I really undependable? I figured that I am. Irresponsible, I guess is part of my character. Eugene says there is something lacking in me now. I guess its the drive that I used to have. That focus that I used to have. The yearning of success. He says that I have to be more of a man. Not saying I have to act macho or whatever. Its more in the sense of a stronger character that I must become. Not about looking dependable, but I really must be. I must be sure that ppl can depend on me in times of needs. Emotional support, finacial support and morale support as well. Giving her the very basic sense of security. That explains her insecurity he said. Not just becoz I hit off better with gals.

It really makes a lot of sense. He really hit on the nail once again. Never fails to impress me with his clear thoughts. I really feel the pressure, not just for relationship, but also for my kinship. Very soon I will have to take over the responsibilities of my dad to take care of the family. Look upon it as a challenge I will. Though I still have no idea of what to do. We still believed in the statement that our parents used to tell us...

"U will understand when u grow up"

Maybe its this realisation. I suddenly feel old. Still I wish to stay young at heart. Many ppl mentioned that I dun seems as cheerful as b4. Perhaps, becoz of wat I know is waiting for me and I am still so not ready for it. But I am very happy to take on this incoming challenge. Maybe I indeed think too much. But I always prefer to be prepared than to be caught in a situation unprepared. That's why we have fire drills I figured. I will keep drilling myself for the sake of those that I love. I want them to feel safe to depend on me. I dun want to disappoint them. I know I wun. For my dearest mum. Happy Mothers' Day.

Final Days

Final week. Last bit of fun I guess. Mood has been swinging for the past week. Many factors affecting. Actually wrote some stuff on it. But decided not to have it published. Its exclusive only to some. Anyways, been busy with quite a bit of stuff over the weekend.

Yesterday was spending money day. I realised money can simply disappeared if u r not careful enough. But it was quite fun I guess. Had my Subway, played pool and finally went to KTV though not with those I planned to go with. Still it was fun. In the end becoz i was so broke, I had to stay overnight at Eugene's place, becoz I dun have $$ to take midnight cab home. But I had a great chat with him. Always therapeutic to pour my thoughts into him. Thanks for being always there.

Though today, I do not have much activities. I am very happy. Happier than a programme packed day. Happy with swinging. Happy with walking. Happy with talking. Happy with u. I am easily satisified I figured. The long awaited Windsurfing is finally coming tomolo. Thanks Mao Jie for the lobang, and Lulin for settling stuffs for us.