The super long conversation, more of a lecture from Dr Peter Tay and Dr ?? (the one who sell Aston Martin) and Dr Dominic Leong(actually he's quite a funny guy) was rather confusing for a mind of mine. Well, I guess they just wanna share their views of life and experiences with youngsters like us. But I can't help but to feel overwhelmed. Still, I must thank them, for I've definitely learnt a thing or two that night.
Definitely there are things to learn from them, they have spoken from what they went through. But somehow, my dream in life seems to defer significantly from them. Not that I dun love money, not that I dun love nice cars. Just not enough I guess. Of course, I've dreams. Like they have said, we all should have dreams, goals that will make us work towards them. Just that in my case, they dun come in cold hard cash form.
I remembered a conversation in parkway BK long long time ago with Eugene. I wished to have a happy life. Happy family, happy job and sufficient cash such that I have no qualms on spending, able to help ppl like going on mission trips which I will be going for in April. I've never dreamt of a mansion with numerous cars, driving range and tennis courts. Of course, it will be nice to own them, but the truth is that I dun really yearn for them. Definitely not enough to make me work hard for them.
Anyways back to the lecture last night, I guess there are these that are still applicable to myself. Somethings do left a deep impression. The gist of it was:
1.) In a partnership, always be more unfair to yourself and with a partner of the same mindset then the partnership will work. Perhaps, i have to be nicer to Clement =P.
2.) Never try to skive, and get the easy way out.
3.) Get use to the habit of working hard, then you won't find hardship difficult anymore.
4.) Punctuality reflects ur reponsibility (something I have a problem with)
5.) Cornea is 600 micron thick/thin. (Funny that he can remember all the figures)
Of course there are many more stuffs which I can't remember. My point is that I still find their advices applicable towards my dream. And something they mention has hit right on the nail. Many of us dunno how to start working towards our dreams. Well, I guess, the very 1st on the list is to get over my incoming tests and exams.
Anyways, just wanna thanks Prof Chew for being such a nice mentor, for inviting us for dinners and buying us stuffs. We should buy him a meal someday. But quite funny to ask him out for dinner I guess.
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Monday, January 24, 2005
What Is Courage?
This is not going to be some silly GP questions from 'A' Levels. Its just a question I've asked myself. What was the most courageous thing I've ever done? I was ashamed. After watching a documentary on Ch 8 about congenitally disabled children and their courage to overcome such great difficulties and become such strong souls. Many of them led a hard life, but with what God has left them they made the best out of what they are blessed with not damned without. Finally, I realised that was true courage.
Perhaps, many could easily come out with something like this. But this is from my heart. I am so fortunate amongst so many. Suddenly, tests and exams seems so small an obstacle to overcome. Yet, when we are in it we thought that was suffering. The truth is we do not know whats true suffering. With my abled body and sane mind, i should strived to live a much fuller life. Be a better person, and learn to appreciate things around me better. Learn to love others more. Coz no one deserved less than another.
Ashamed of having such a short fuse, an irresponsible tongue and many flaws like selfishness, self-centred-ness. Let me have the courage to renew my ways. More grace from heart and none of hypocrisy. Yet, I am mortal. I guess, its all talk. I hope its not.
"No hardship, is real hardship. Unless contruced to be."
Perhaps, many could easily come out with something like this. But this is from my heart. I am so fortunate amongst so many. Suddenly, tests and exams seems so small an obstacle to overcome. Yet, when we are in it we thought that was suffering. The truth is we do not know whats true suffering. With my abled body and sane mind, i should strived to live a much fuller life. Be a better person, and learn to appreciate things around me better. Learn to love others more. Coz no one deserved less than another.
Ashamed of having such a short fuse, an irresponsible tongue and many flaws like selfishness, self-centred-ness. Let me have the courage to renew my ways. More grace from heart and none of hypocrisy. Yet, I am mortal. I guess, its all talk. I hope its not.
"No hardship, is real hardship. Unless contruced to be."
Friday, January 07, 2005
Thank You For The Test
Okay, once again I overslept. For the sake of not skipping the 1st radiology lecture of the term. I decided to take a cab which I spent $20.60 on. Well, so unluckily, I bumped into my menace: A/P Loh Fun Chee on my way into class. Simply becoz I went to SM 1A where the lesson is supposed to be at SM 1B. Well, it just so happened that he also made the same mistake of thinking the lesson is held at SM 1A. Just my luck I guess.
I started of greeting him and Dr Ong good morning which I thought was a polite gesture. However, the conversation follow led my my own insult.
"How many of them are in class already?"
"Sorry Prof, I just arrived so I dunno who's there already."
"Did you pass ur radio test?"
"No Prof, I failed."
"And you still dare to come late for lesson."
"Sorry, Prof I already took a cab and came as fast as I could and I was caught in a jam...."
He ignored me. And turned to talk to Dr Ong.
I can't control my rage. I was totally mad. He who I supposed had failed me on purpose had to stab on my wound once again. And I seriously dun see any relationship between me failing a test and coming on time for lesson, moreover I really did my best to come on time. Given any other lessons I probably would have taken my own time and not waste my money on cab fare. Perhaps, I was in a foul mood for oversleeping again.
But I can't help but to feel that he is indeed prejudiced towards me. I really dunno what went wrong? Why on earth does he have to pick on me? Which toe of his did I stepped on? I admit I am not the most attentive student, I am also not the most well-behaved one. But I'm sure I'm definitely not the incompetent one. I am not awed by his knowledge of radiology which I believed simply come from experience. Perhaps, that has hurt his priced ego. Does he, based on his hatred for me, have to do such actions towards me. He as a Prof, a teacher, has such a narrow-mind, petty heart. He has totally lost the last bit of respect I have for him.
On the other hand, my control for my temper was really bad. Return grace, return kindness for evil. I've failed this test God has placed before me. I'm ashamed. Give me strength to carry on. Come what may. The next radiology test is next week, I already know the results already after happened today.
Sorry to those who suffered from the spilled over of my anger. Especially Lulin who has to listen to all my explosive words. Those who had to endure my black face. Those who disagreed with my doings. Those who think I'm the one at fault. Those who think I'm a sore loser. Sorry for making anyone uncomortable. Still I guess, sorry no cure.
Well, its a good test to see who will stand by your side and firmly have faith in your capability. From beginning to end, Lulin has no doubt in me that I should have no problem passing the test only that she disagreed that I behaved so unruly (Well, she's right I shdn't have). Whereas some think that LFC wouldnt have purposely failed me. Its not hard to see who have failed me and who have not. All in their eyes not in their words. Perhaps that adds to my disappointment. But there is nothing more I should expect of them for knowing less than 2 years. At least when I told my family of what happened, I felt comforted. They without a doubt believed that I was unfairly graded. Without knowledge of whether I am good anot. Only through faith and confidence they have in me. I swear for their sake, I will not let them down. I will be a competent clinician.
Perhaps, Eugene is going to give me a earful when he get to hear this, As usual he is going to be right. But I hope he has faith in my competency, though he has never seen my work. Well, at least its weekend. Life goes on. Thanks for the test God. I've failed, but I've learnt more than anyone could have realised.
I started of greeting him and Dr Ong good morning which I thought was a polite gesture. However, the conversation follow led my my own insult.
"How many of them are in class already?"
"Sorry Prof, I just arrived so I dunno who's there already."
"Did you pass ur radio test?"
"No Prof, I failed."
"And you still dare to come late for lesson."
"Sorry, Prof I already took a cab and came as fast as I could and I was caught in a jam...."
He ignored me. And turned to talk to Dr Ong.
I can't control my rage. I was totally mad. He who I supposed had failed me on purpose had to stab on my wound once again. And I seriously dun see any relationship between me failing a test and coming on time for lesson, moreover I really did my best to come on time. Given any other lessons I probably would have taken my own time and not waste my money on cab fare. Perhaps, I was in a foul mood for oversleeping again.
But I can't help but to feel that he is indeed prejudiced towards me. I really dunno what went wrong? Why on earth does he have to pick on me? Which toe of his did I stepped on? I admit I am not the most attentive student, I am also not the most well-behaved one. But I'm sure I'm definitely not the incompetent one. I am not awed by his knowledge of radiology which I believed simply come from experience. Perhaps, that has hurt his priced ego. Does he, based on his hatred for me, have to do such actions towards me. He as a Prof, a teacher, has such a narrow-mind, petty heart. He has totally lost the last bit of respect I have for him.
On the other hand, my control for my temper was really bad. Return grace, return kindness for evil. I've failed this test God has placed before me. I'm ashamed. Give me strength to carry on. Come what may. The next radiology test is next week, I already know the results already after happened today.
Sorry to those who suffered from the spilled over of my anger. Especially Lulin who has to listen to all my explosive words. Those who had to endure my black face. Those who disagreed with my doings. Those who think I'm the one at fault. Those who think I'm a sore loser. Sorry for making anyone uncomortable. Still I guess, sorry no cure.
Well, its a good test to see who will stand by your side and firmly have faith in your capability. From beginning to end, Lulin has no doubt in me that I should have no problem passing the test only that she disagreed that I behaved so unruly (Well, she's right I shdn't have). Whereas some think that LFC wouldnt have purposely failed me. Its not hard to see who have failed me and who have not. All in their eyes not in their words. Perhaps that adds to my disappointment. But there is nothing more I should expect of them for knowing less than 2 years. At least when I told my family of what happened, I felt comforted. They without a doubt believed that I was unfairly graded. Without knowledge of whether I am good anot. Only through faith and confidence they have in me. I swear for their sake, I will not let them down. I will be a competent clinician.
Perhaps, Eugene is going to give me a earful when he get to hear this, As usual he is going to be right. But I hope he has faith in my competency, though he has never seen my work. Well, at least its weekend. Life goes on. Thanks for the test God. I've failed, but I've learnt more than anyone could have realised.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Old Friends
Today, I bumped into quite a few old friends in school. Well its not that great a surprise coz they are all med students. Saw Jianye in the morning while i was getting breakfast. Well, I said hi to him, but somehow he dun seems interested in engaging any conversation. Oh well, perhaps morning ain't good for conversations. But its just weird that all he could say is "how sad" to me.
"Ur School started today also?"
"No. My School Started Last Week."
"How Sad"
"Its alright"
"U graduating this year?"
"No I'm not graduating this year, I served NS remember."
"How Sad"
"Its alright"
Well, I must say that I was rather uninterested to continue. Nothing much I could say I guess. Except its alright. So I just got my stuff, pat his back and off I went for my clinics.
Met Wendy and Pinakin during lunch. Well, I must say I was delighted to see them. But somehow, we had nothing more than new year greetings and a hi-bye situation as well. Strangely how I behaved towards such good friends. Maybe, its the same thing again, I've missed out too much of their life and they have missed out too much of mine. I can't say anything except wassup. I dun even know anything major that's happening in their life. Other than thru blogs. Sorry that I'm such a self centred person that I only focus on what's going on in my life. Labworks to be completed, tests to studied for etc.. Maybe thats the same for them. That's how we lost each other I figured.
Was looking at the photos when i got home. I'm glad the great memories have stayed. Perhaps I should have said to Peanut this afternoon that this conversation is getting dry, Martini Dry. That might have felt nostalagic. Oh well, perhaps we could meet up someday at Siglap again, Althought T-bar is no more there, we can settle for Coffee Club I guess. Happy New Year Guys.
for pinakin : Hey dude perhaps many have already said that to you. Well, you r looking more and more doctor-like. Perhaps u can be my cardiologist someday.
"Ur School started today also?"
"No. My School Started Last Week."
"How Sad"
"Its alright"
"U graduating this year?"
"No I'm not graduating this year, I served NS remember."
"How Sad"
"Its alright"
Well, I must say that I was rather uninterested to continue. Nothing much I could say I guess. Except its alright. So I just got my stuff, pat his back and off I went for my clinics.
Met Wendy and Pinakin during lunch. Well, I must say I was delighted to see them. But somehow, we had nothing more than new year greetings and a hi-bye situation as well. Strangely how I behaved towards such good friends. Maybe, its the same thing again, I've missed out too much of their life and they have missed out too much of mine. I can't say anything except wassup. I dun even know anything major that's happening in their life. Other than thru blogs. Sorry that I'm such a self centred person that I only focus on what's going on in my life. Labworks to be completed, tests to studied for etc.. Maybe thats the same for them. That's how we lost each other I figured.
Was looking at the photos when i got home. I'm glad the great memories have stayed. Perhaps I should have said to Peanut this afternoon that this conversation is getting dry, Martini Dry. That might have felt nostalagic. Oh well, perhaps we could meet up someday at Siglap again, Althought T-bar is no more there, we can settle for Coffee Club I guess. Happy New Year Guys.
for pinakin : Hey dude perhaps many have already said that to you. Well, you r looking more and more doctor-like. Perhaps u can be my cardiologist someday.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
School Is Like Dementor
2 days of school. That's all it takes to remove all happiness in me. So much for the festive season. Thank to the 5 day weeks, the school is giving us crazy schedule. 0800-1730 i thought was bad. They decide to give us extra lecture as and when they wish until 1830 today. I foresee it might well continue this way.
Labless day is killer, fighting the Zzzz Monster ever since morning. And yah I was late for school this morning, just the 2nd day. Well, I guess, I'm suffering for post-hols sydrome, and pre-exam sydrome at the same time. Dun really know why I am damn stressed up these days. Can't explain, perhaps my instinct tell me that things are going to be real bad for this crazy short term. Come to think of it its just 13 weeks and I'll (hopefully) be in Year 3 and will be starting to see patients.
Realised that my abilty to do my work properly is really not there, in other words, I'm still not comfortable with my use of indirect vision. Most of the time, the water spray will blured everything, and I'll resort to tactile sensation or worse unethical use for direct vision if its a female patient, probably she'll be screaming of molest. I see more problems with my bad posture once I enter clinic. Got to try correct it soon I hope.
Guess, i should waste precious time writing, sleep is priority now. Anytime and anywhere.
Labless day is killer, fighting the Zzzz Monster ever since morning. And yah I was late for school this morning, just the 2nd day. Well, I guess, I'm suffering for post-hols sydrome, and pre-exam sydrome at the same time. Dun really know why I am damn stressed up these days. Can't explain, perhaps my instinct tell me that things are going to be real bad for this crazy short term. Come to think of it its just 13 weeks and I'll (hopefully) be in Year 3 and will be starting to see patients.
Realised that my abilty to do my work properly is really not there, in other words, I'm still not comfortable with my use of indirect vision. Most of the time, the water spray will blured everything, and I'll resort to tactile sensation or worse unethical use for direct vision if its a female patient, probably she'll be screaming of molest. I see more problems with my bad posture once I enter clinic. Got to try correct it soon I hope.
Guess, i should waste precious time writing, sleep is priority now. Anytime and anywhere.
Friday, December 24, 2004
Christmas Party Once More
Just got home from Class Party at Geng Feng's house. Lotsa missing faces compared to last year, but still its always nice to have a reason to gather around together. Where u will start playing funny games that u might have long forgotten. Bear and hunter game reminded me of the Chinese New Year Celebration at Teck Siang's house long long time ago. Though images of the night are still vivid in my mind.
Anyways, thanks to all who came, and geng feng who has kindly offered his place, and of course to Yonghe who planned most of the stuffs. Hopefully, we'll be able to hold such parties even after we graduated from Dentistry. Nice memories like these, I hope will be sustained. Wish of another CYN celebration at Teck Siang's house with those faces I yearned to see, and emotions I fondered for, seems impossible. What's lost cannot be found.
Time flies, I still remembered my Christmas entry 1 year ago, also after the class party. I'm amazed at how things have changed, and changes beyond my control. Friendship, I admit I spoil it. Trying to revive I swear I tried. But things can never be the same again. Well, that's life I guess, you win some, you lose some. The privilege to buy Lulin a Christmas gift is something I've won. Not predicament like Wei Song has jokingly put it. Guess I'm tired, not making any sense now.
Have Urself a Merry Little `X'mas
Anyways, thanks to all who came, and geng feng who has kindly offered his place, and of course to Yonghe who planned most of the stuffs. Hopefully, we'll be able to hold such parties even after we graduated from Dentistry. Nice memories like these, I hope will be sustained. Wish of another CYN celebration at Teck Siang's house with those faces I yearned to see, and emotions I fondered for, seems impossible. What's lost cannot be found.
Time flies, I still remembered my Christmas entry 1 year ago, also after the class party. I'm amazed at how things have changed, and changes beyond my control. Friendship, I admit I spoil it. Trying to revive I swear I tried. But things can never be the same again. Well, that's life I guess, you win some, you lose some. The privilege to buy Lulin a Christmas gift is something I've won. Not predicament like Wei Song has jokingly put it. Guess I'm tired, not making any sense now.
Have Urself a Merry Little `X'mas
Monday, December 20, 2004
DAMN I FAILED
Got a bad news from Wei Song today. I failed my radiology competency test. I must say that I really didn't expect that to happened. Until I realised that what I failed was the Bitewing competency part which was invigilated by A/P Loh Fun Chee. I can't help but to think that he failed me becoz I had once stepped on his toes before, and I'm not exactly a very well behaved student in class, rather than the fact that I am incompetent.
I'm sorry if I do sound arrogrant, I have complete confidence in my radiograph taking ability especially for bitewing. I have taken no less than a 100 bitewing radiographs before, and was sure that I did rather well that day. Anyways the results is fixed, there is no way that I could argue that I did correct that day since he is the only one who could give judgement. I really feel I do not deserve to fail. If I ever find out that he failed me just becoz he was prejudice towards me, which in fact I have already assumed so. He will lose the very bit of respect I have for him.
Damn, I sounded like I can't take failure. But I believed those who know will understand why I can't help but to think this way. If I really deserved to fail, I will jolly well take it as a learning opportunity, but I hated to have failed just becoz I'm not in favour of the examiner. No matter whether he judge me as failed or passed. All I have to say is I have total, complete confidence that I am capable of taking radiograph for my future patients. I do not need him to judge my ability, but sad to say, I need him to pass me just for me to move on and be able to start clinics.
I hated this system, where ppl who play as judges r never impartial. Some better, some worse. I'm Disappointed.
I'm sorry if I do sound arrogrant, I have complete confidence in my radiograph taking ability especially for bitewing. I have taken no less than a 100 bitewing radiographs before, and was sure that I did rather well that day. Anyways the results is fixed, there is no way that I could argue that I did correct that day since he is the only one who could give judgement. I really feel I do not deserve to fail. If I ever find out that he failed me just becoz he was prejudice towards me, which in fact I have already assumed so. He will lose the very bit of respect I have for him.
Damn, I sounded like I can't take failure. But I believed those who know will understand why I can't help but to think this way. If I really deserved to fail, I will jolly well take it as a learning opportunity, but I hated to have failed just becoz I'm not in favour of the examiner. No matter whether he judge me as failed or passed. All I have to say is I have total, complete confidence that I am capable of taking radiograph for my future patients. I do not need him to judge my ability, but sad to say, I need him to pass me just for me to move on and be able to start clinics.
I hated this system, where ppl who play as judges r never impartial. Some better, some worse. I'm Disappointed.
I've Got Mail(SMS)
Now I believe. Believe in telepathy. I was at home the whole day waiting for Lulin's call. Spent my day in front of the TV set. Refused to go out for lunch, dinner and supper, afraid that she might call and I'll miss the call if I were to be out.
As the day goes, I got more disappointed. Finally, I was lying on my bed, about to send her a good night sms telling her about my day, telling her I spent my day waiting for her call, telling her I missed her. I thought that all my smses ever since she left have never reached her becoz I thought she dun have autoroaming. Wanna surprise her when she come back and find that her phone full of my smses.
Anyways as I was halfway through my good night sms to her, I got a msg. I read the msg and couldnt believe my eyes that its from her. She has to save batt so we only got to sms chat for a while. But now, I'm so happy that I couldn't sleep. I thought I would not have any news of her for the day, was hoping for better luck tomolo already.
I realised that she has been receiving my sms, perhaps she thought I've forgotten about her for today thats why she decided to msg me. I admit its my fault coz I thought a goodnite sms would suffice for a day I spent doing nothing at home, so sorry that I'm a fool.
Perhaps, this entry seems a bit too personal, but I just wanna share my joy. Perhaps I just wanna note this feeling down while its still rushing through me. Damn I guess I can't sleep liao. 4 more days before she will be back.
As the day goes, I got more disappointed. Finally, I was lying on my bed, about to send her a good night sms telling her about my day, telling her I spent my day waiting for her call, telling her I missed her. I thought that all my smses ever since she left have never reached her becoz I thought she dun have autoroaming. Wanna surprise her when she come back and find that her phone full of my smses.
Anyways as I was halfway through my good night sms to her, I got a msg. I read the msg and couldnt believe my eyes that its from her. She has to save batt so we only got to sms chat for a while. But now, I'm so happy that I couldn't sleep. I thought I would not have any news of her for the day, was hoping for better luck tomolo already.
I realised that she has been receiving my sms, perhaps she thought I've forgotten about her for today thats why she decided to msg me. I admit its my fault coz I thought a goodnite sms would suffice for a day I spent doing nothing at home, so sorry that I'm a fool.
Perhaps, this entry seems a bit too personal, but I just wanna share my joy. Perhaps I just wanna note this feeling down while its still rushing through me. Damn I guess I can't sleep liao. 4 more days before she will be back.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
A Day With Me & Myself
Well, I realised I've have not been spending time with myself. Yesterday was quite rewarding for me. I went around town just to get a study chair. In the end I got one at the Furniture Mall. Not that the design is anything that I liked. But the fact that its rather affordable compared to all those that I've seen. Besides that I have to DIY fix the chair myself give me the extra bonus to buy it. That's one of the reasons why I like Ikea stuffs coz I love to fix things up myself.
Anyways, as I was saying spending the day walking around alone maybe quite rewarding as well. I get to see the stuffs that I like, and probably I'm the only freak that love to shop (window shop more appropriately) for furnitures, walk around taking random pictures of buildings and stuffs. It felt so much better a day compared to spending my day bumming at home or walking aimlessly at Orchard. Well, like I said, I'm a freak.
The Chair I Really Wanted.
Can you believe that this chair actually cost $990 but can get its imitation for around $130. This was taken at the furniture museum where they show many different chair designs back from the 1800s to present. Got lotsa toy like models on display as well. Too bad I was stopped by one of the staff from taking more pictures.
Well, its a nice day being alone.
Anyways, as I was saying spending the day walking around alone maybe quite rewarding as well. I get to see the stuffs that I like, and probably I'm the only freak that love to shop (window shop more appropriately) for furnitures, walk around taking random pictures of buildings and stuffs. It felt so much better a day compared to spending my day bumming at home or walking aimlessly at Orchard. Well, like I said, I'm a freak.
The Chair I Really Wanted.
Can you believe that this chair actually cost $990 but can get its imitation for around $130. This was taken at the furniture museum where they show many different chair designs back from the 1800s to present. Got lotsa toy like models on display as well. Too bad I was stopped by one of the staff from taking more pictures.
Well, its a nice day being alone.
Friday, December 17, 2004
She Left On A Jet Plane
This is the 1st night. I really missed talking to her on phone. I think back of all the times I multitasked while chatting with her. I regret. Walked around town today, images of us walking along the same path keep flashing. Lunching at Lido which we often does, Bench Resting the at City Link which we always take photos of walking feet, Pacific Coffee Company which we retopping up the whip cream. When she's back we'll go again. She said she will call (if she could) halfway through her trip, I'm looking forward to that. Hopefully she got internet access there and see my blog. Perhaps then I wun need to wait so long.
Anyways, today met up with the guys for lunch, movie and ice cream. Suddenly, school seems to be so much real again to me. Nice to get back in touch with reality. But now, I'll still enjoy while i could. Thanks for waking me up. Looks like my choice of lending my friend WC3 cd is indeed correct. Though my initial intention is so that I can stop multitasking when talking to Lulin and getting my biological clock right. But look at the time, I dun need dota to keep me up at night, TV can as well.
Meeting with friends, makes me glad. Perhaps, more for friends that I can confide in. I must admit Andy is a great listener. Sorry to bore you. Maybe I dun show well. But, I'm glad to have made a frd like u. Meet again when Eugene is back. Another friend I'm glad to meet and not lost. Appreciate u friends, they are more important than u ever think they are. They wun realised themselves too. I'm sadden that I've let so many go.
I think too much as always, future seems to much for me too bear. I see gloom. I despaired. Perhaps, simple way to handle is to focus on the present. Why waste energy on things which need no more attention now.
Anyways, today met up with the guys for lunch, movie and ice cream. Suddenly, school seems to be so much real again to me. Nice to get back in touch with reality. But now, I'll still enjoy while i could. Thanks for waking me up. Looks like my choice of lending my friend WC3 cd is indeed correct. Though my initial intention is so that I can stop multitasking when talking to Lulin and getting my biological clock right. But look at the time, I dun need dota to keep me up at night, TV can as well.
Meeting with friends, makes me glad. Perhaps, more for friends that I can confide in. I must admit Andy is a great listener. Sorry to bore you. Maybe I dun show well. But, I'm glad to have made a frd like u. Meet again when Eugene is back. Another friend I'm glad to meet and not lost. Appreciate u friends, they are more important than u ever think they are. They wun realised themselves too. I'm sadden that I've let so many go.
I think too much as always, future seems to much for me too bear. I see gloom. I despaired. Perhaps, simple way to handle is to focus on the present. Why waste energy on things which need no more attention now.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
PEACE PLEASE
Supposed to be my mugging day. Apparently it didn't work out. Spent most of my time finding out stuff that I think is rather irrevelant to my coming tests. Somehow the death of Arafat sort of have a impact on me. To me, I never thought that I will even care. However, seeing how fragile peace is in Israel. I can't help but to feel lucky that things turned out right for Singapore. We were just as fragile in the 50s. Can't help but got to say a word of thank to MM Lee. Well, personally I do have great admiration for him. Perhaps, not all Singaporeans.
Maybe, once u got peace, you dun seems to treasure it as much. Many like me have no qualms of going to sleep every night and assuming that life will be as per normal the next day. Not so for those in Israel I guess. Just wanna tell ppl that please don't take the peace, stablility and safety for granted. I do that all the time. And perhaps learn to appreciate the government more, although I must say that I do get irked with some policies made. Still it should not overwrite the merits.
Anyways, Peace to Middle East. I hope.
Maybe, once u got peace, you dun seems to treasure it as much. Many like me have no qualms of going to sleep every night and assuming that life will be as per normal the next day. Not so for those in Israel I guess. Just wanna tell ppl that please don't take the peace, stablility and safety for granted. I do that all the time. And perhaps learn to appreciate the government more, although I must say that I do get irked with some policies made. Still it should not overwrite the merits.
Anyways, Peace to Middle East. I hope.
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
For Lulin
This blog is going to be delicated for my gal. This very 1st line is so hard to write. Perhaps, I'm just paiseh to shout out to the whole world that I'm so in love with her. So everytime when I wanna write about all the nice nice things she has done for me. I would be rather subtle. Or perhaps, I'm just selfish. I refused to share all these stuffs with other ppl. Think I really dun wanna share.
Never will I praise her, so that others will never get to see why she is the love of my life. Legolas once joked that why on earth will I fall for a gal like her. I said, I've found a treasure that he has failed to see.
I'm not saying she is perfect. Well, perfect for me though. I guess I shd not continue. Dun wanna turn my blog into a love letter station. Our privacy r our own. I just wanna tell the world and her, I'm glad I've found her. I know u r not perfect, and I'm sorry that neither am I. Hope u r glad to be with me.
Never will I praise her, so that others will never get to see why she is the love of my life. Legolas once joked that why on earth will I fall for a gal like her. I said, I've found a treasure that he has failed to see.
I'm not saying she is perfect. Well, perfect for me though. I guess I shd not continue. Dun wanna turn my blog into a love letter station. Our privacy r our own. I just wanna tell the world and her, I'm glad I've found her. I know u r not perfect, and I'm sorry that neither am I. Hope u r glad to be with me.
Loneliness?
I concluded I am afraid of loneliness. I dreaded coming home today becoz I know the whole of my family are staying over at Downtown East Chalets tonight. Maybe I'm just born this way. I love to be with ppl. Perhaps, I feel so much more secure. Actually not. I realised I just don't like to be alone. And I can be secure alone like now. Most ppl actually ended up spending most of their life alone. I hope I won't.
Fortunate me had Lulin. She decided to eat dinner with me. That made my day I guess. Even getting a C for my Pharm test dun upset me. (Pls note that I am a rather competitive man. Maybe some might say that I shd not complain since I have passed.) Just wanna thank her. Too tired now to write now. Perhaps another day.
Fortunate me had Lulin. She decided to eat dinner with me. That made my day I guess. Even getting a C for my Pharm test dun upset me. (Pls note that I am a rather competitive man. Maybe some might say that I shd not complain since I have passed.) Just wanna thank her. Too tired now to write now. Perhaps another day.
Sunday, October 24, 2004
SIANZzzzz.
Before I knew it, weekend is already over. Its just sad that I did not do anything that I wanted to. Perhaps life is just mundane for me. School is just too long. Everyday even Saturday, I barely had enough rest and fun, and I and jumping back to work again.
I am really quite sick of this cycle. Yet come to think of it, what can I do if I were to be given the time? I had the whole of today, but there is just no one that I can go out with. Even if there is, I can't think of anything that I would really like to do. Maybe, I would like to go down to the beach, go to Downtown East or just go relax somewhere perhaps a spa. Actually, as long I can be with someone I wanna be with, I dun mind stoning.
Well, maybe this is going to sound rather loser, something that I hate to admit. There is nothing constructive that I have done over the weekend. SIANZ.. is the exact word to describe. I need some excitements in my life. Well, I going to jump back into mugging again when all the tests starts coming, maybe by then I won't have the chance to think of all these stupid stuffs.
Pardon the lousy entry, I'm writing crap, just wanna vent some frustrations.
I am really quite sick of this cycle. Yet come to think of it, what can I do if I were to be given the time? I had the whole of today, but there is just no one that I can go out with. Even if there is, I can't think of anything that I would really like to do. Maybe, I would like to go down to the beach, go to Downtown East or just go relax somewhere perhaps a spa. Actually, as long I can be with someone I wanna be with, I dun mind stoning.
Well, maybe this is going to sound rather loser, something that I hate to admit. There is nothing constructive that I have done over the weekend. SIANZ.. is the exact word to describe. I need some excitements in my life. Well, I going to jump back into mugging again when all the tests starts coming, maybe by then I won't have the chance to think of all these stupid stuffs.
Pardon the lousy entry, I'm writing crap, just wanna vent some frustrations.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Problematic PBL and Me
Again come the time to struggle between writing or sleeping. I write.
I've spent most of my hometime staring at this screen today, simply for the problem-based learning(PBL) session tomolo. Perhaps, I seriously dun take this lesson seriously. Yet thru the search for the materials (actually its dental materials) I'm supposed to present tomolo, I've found several more interesting facts of dentistry. However, I shall not burden u guys with something that "interesting", coz I presume most will not even have the slightest keeness of knowing more about them. Of course unless u r a dental student, even then still maybe not. Well, anyways the story end of the same way. I'm going to smoke my way (hopefully) through tomolo. I swear i did put in effort to get my work done for the past 3-4 hrs.
I did not realised I was on the com for so long, perhaps becoz I was chatting with Lulin and sending her photos with the HELLO picture sharing program. Its really quite cute. Smiley faces will zoom down the screen when u msg ur frd a smiley face. (She is my only frd on the list, ie its exclusive) Though I was stunned the 1st time I saw it. Anyways, we managed to keep ourselves entertained and at the same time struggling to search for journals with my super slow navigator.
A small surprise today, kept me happy for the day. Its now in my cabinet of nice, nice things.
I guess the only worry I have is my backache, simply becoz its weird. Perhaps, I'm the only one who got backache while swallowing food, provided I ate with my right hand. Left is fine. Who on earth can believe this except myself? Even I can't. Somehow my MVP doesnt seems that bad anymore, Prof said most ppl dun die if proper treatment is adminstered if an infection does occur. So I guess my worry of me collapsing out of the blue is kind of silly. Perhaps, I may still collapse well at least its comforting to know that probably I can be saved. Most importantly of all, I study at NUH, if I were to collapse in school, help is super near.
Treasure Health, Worship Life.
I've spent most of my hometime staring at this screen today, simply for the problem-based learning(PBL) session tomolo. Perhaps, I seriously dun take this lesson seriously. Yet thru the search for the materials (actually its dental materials) I'm supposed to present tomolo, I've found several more interesting facts of dentistry. However, I shall not burden u guys with something that "interesting", coz I presume most will not even have the slightest keeness of knowing more about them. Of course unless u r a dental student, even then still maybe not. Well, anyways the story end of the same way. I'm going to smoke my way (hopefully) through tomolo. I swear i did put in effort to get my work done for the past 3-4 hrs.
I did not realised I was on the com for so long, perhaps becoz I was chatting with Lulin and sending her photos with the HELLO picture sharing program. Its really quite cute. Smiley faces will zoom down the screen when u msg ur frd a smiley face. (She is my only frd on the list, ie its exclusive) Though I was stunned the 1st time I saw it. Anyways, we managed to keep ourselves entertained and at the same time struggling to search for journals with my super slow navigator.
A small surprise today, kept me happy for the day. Its now in my cabinet of nice, nice things.
I guess the only worry I have is my backache, simply becoz its weird. Perhaps, I'm the only one who got backache while swallowing food, provided I ate with my right hand. Left is fine. Who on earth can believe this except myself? Even I can't. Somehow my MVP doesnt seems that bad anymore, Prof said most ppl dun die if proper treatment is adminstered if an infection does occur. So I guess my worry of me collapsing out of the blue is kind of silly. Perhaps, I may still collapse well at least its comforting to know that probably I can be saved. Most importantly of all, I study at NUH, if I were to collapse in school, help is super near.
Treasure Health, Worship Life.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Soul Therapy
Sadly, I struggled to decide whether to write my blog or do other more worthy stuff, such as studying for my test on coming Saturday and sleeping. For once I defeated the Mug Devil and Zzz Monster. I figured that I should write for soul therapy. Perhaps after not writing for so long, I've lost touched. Lotsa of thoughts rushing, yet no words typing.
Things are moving very fast for me. So fast, I felt I was in a dream.
Things are changing rapidly around me. So rapid, I felt I was left behind.
Works comes and works done, I questioned if I've learnt enough. The very fact that I could possibly graduate in 2yrs 8mths time delight me, yet cast fear in me. The simplest question: Do I know what I am doing? Remained a myth. I could do labworks, I could study for tests, I could attend lectures and pretend I understand. But does it equates to my competency. I swear I've tried. I've reassured. I've yet to convince myself. I am always trying to move faster, ahead of the crowd. Maybe I'm competitive, maybe I don't feel good behind, perhaps I feel good to be ahead. Whatever the reason, the cause. The fact is that I do rush. I bet the whole of my class too. But is that a reason good enough for me to compromise? I've compromised I know I did. Perfectionism is a thing of my past. Perhaps, the only comfort I can get is the fact that I do understand. I know what I am doing. I shall not doubt my peers though I do worry for some. Yet, why worry?
The relationship of the class has changed and is changing. Eugene once said only change remained constant in life. Perhaps, this change was unsurprising though rather uncomfortable. Groups formed or should I just said friendship forged. I was upset that I was excluded in some, yet glad that I've found more worthy companions. Somehow, I felt that groups are always formed when people started excluding others, and eventually form a group of people that have not been excluded. Fortunately or unfortunately, this is the way people behave. I should have taken things at its stride, yet a comment recently struck me hard.
"People are less friendly these days"
I said no, though I figured its rather true. People are only friendly to those in their "group", although some are less exclusive than others. I dun blame them, in fact I do behave that way as well. Though I do feel uncomfortable under that setting. I keep looking through the class photo last year and tried to recall how nice it was when everyone likes everyone. Perhaps its the competition in school, or perhaps its just natural that things move this way. My only hope is that I dun hear bad-mouthings or backstabbings. I only feel safe with those that I could trust. Maybe that's another reason why people group together, just to feel safe, just to feel included. But its sad to see that ppl conformed for the sake of staying on in their own group. And yet again, perhaps its only natural that people do change.
That's quite a cynical and perhaps depressing entry. Well, at the very least, I am able to accept mouthings and stabbings better, and hopefully practise forgiveness. Be nice I'll try.
Things are moving very fast for me. So fast, I felt I was in a dream.
Things are changing rapidly around me. So rapid, I felt I was left behind.
Works comes and works done, I questioned if I've learnt enough. The very fact that I could possibly graduate in 2yrs 8mths time delight me, yet cast fear in me. The simplest question: Do I know what I am doing? Remained a myth. I could do labworks, I could study for tests, I could attend lectures and pretend I understand. But does it equates to my competency. I swear I've tried. I've reassured. I've yet to convince myself. I am always trying to move faster, ahead of the crowd. Maybe I'm competitive, maybe I don't feel good behind, perhaps I feel good to be ahead. Whatever the reason, the cause. The fact is that I do rush. I bet the whole of my class too. But is that a reason good enough for me to compromise? I've compromised I know I did. Perfectionism is a thing of my past. Perhaps, the only comfort I can get is the fact that I do understand. I know what I am doing. I shall not doubt my peers though I do worry for some. Yet, why worry?
The relationship of the class has changed and is changing. Eugene once said only change remained constant in life. Perhaps, this change was unsurprising though rather uncomfortable. Groups formed or should I just said friendship forged. I was upset that I was excluded in some, yet glad that I've found more worthy companions. Somehow, I felt that groups are always formed when people started excluding others, and eventually form a group of people that have not been excluded. Fortunately or unfortunately, this is the way people behave. I should have taken things at its stride, yet a comment recently struck me hard.
"People are less friendly these days"
I said no, though I figured its rather true. People are only friendly to those in their "group", although some are less exclusive than others. I dun blame them, in fact I do behave that way as well. Though I do feel uncomfortable under that setting. I keep looking through the class photo last year and tried to recall how nice it was when everyone likes everyone. Perhaps its the competition in school, or perhaps its just natural that things move this way. My only hope is that I dun hear bad-mouthings or backstabbings. I only feel safe with those that I could trust. Maybe that's another reason why people group together, just to feel safe, just to feel included. But its sad to see that ppl conformed for the sake of staying on in their own group. And yet again, perhaps its only natural that people do change.
That's quite a cynical and perhaps depressing entry. Well, at the very least, I am able to accept mouthings and stabbings better, and hopefully practise forgiveness. Be nice I'll try.
1st Picture
Me and Lulin
Well, finally I figured out how to put pictures on my blog. Good try I figured.
Saturday, October 02, 2004
Com Screwed Again
I declare myself a total computer idiot. I stupidly downloaded the SP2 to update my laptop unknowningly that it clashes with the NUS system. And therefore the whole system crashed again. Once again I cannot access my wireless that I am paying almost 70 bucks every month. Well, looking at the brighter (less dim perhaps) side, I will not be wasting time on MSN and can spend more time on sleeping or mugging for my coming tests.
Well, so far so good, just left with a Pharmacology Term exam coming next Friday. The rest of the tests went quite well I guess. Given the lack of motivation and effort, I guess getting a pass will be more than sufficient for me. Somehow I've lost that drive, or maybe I have diverted it to my lab work that seems to be more impt to me now.
Anyways, life as a dental student is just gonna be as such I figured. Stuck in a viscious cycle of tests after tests, lab works and more lab works. Sometimes, I'll feel so guilty for not catching up with my old friends. Especially now with my internet down and msnless. Well, take care ppl, dun forget me, I'm still alive though school is tough. Somehow I figured that we will always get there (graduate with our dearest BDS).
Signing off.. using student lounge computer..
Well, so far so good, just left with a Pharmacology Term exam coming next Friday. The rest of the tests went quite well I guess. Given the lack of motivation and effort, I guess getting a pass will be more than sufficient for me. Somehow I've lost that drive, or maybe I have diverted it to my lab work that seems to be more impt to me now.
Anyways, life as a dental student is just gonna be as such I figured. Stuck in a viscious cycle of tests after tests, lab works and more lab works. Sometimes, I'll feel so guilty for not catching up with my old friends. Especially now with my internet down and msnless. Well, take care ppl, dun forget me, I'm still alive though school is tough. Somehow I figured that we will always get there (graduate with our dearest BDS).
Signing off.. using student lounge computer..
Sunday, September 05, 2004
Holiday? Not Quite..
Finally the long awaited so-called holiday came. School ended well with 2 impressions and 4 casts poured. Not to forget Trifac bash where the Juniors came in 1st in the dance competition. Quite a surprise to bump into a couple a old friends that night. Wendy came as one of the judges and Wee Lin which I met while giving out the door gift with Lulin. I went thru the day with my stupid flu and sore throat which is showing no signs of recovery. Sleep more perhaps I should.
Well, although vacation is supposed to begin tomorrow yet I'll still be waking up early and be on my way to NUS simply for a 1hr lecture on Pathology. Which kind of sux. And I realised that its going to be this way for quite a no. of days. So I guess I'll still be in school rather often. On top of that, I figured that this holiday should be renamed as a study break. Well right after my hols there will be 4 tests coming. Dental materials which till now I have no idea where to read up from. Occlusion which I have managed to sustained a 100% sleeping in lectures record. (Reason I dun sleep in Dental Material is becoz its Prof Chew conducting the lecture who will have no qualm to kick your ass right out of his class). Pathology, which without background of Histology I'm still in a total blur. Pharmacology, the best amongst all I figured I managed to listen in lectures but still without a text to refer to I'm still kind of lost. Well I guess the worse part is that I am totally not in the mood to mug. Perhaps that thinking needs reformation. Better be within these few days. I know I've got to work.. Perhaps its just a bit hard to get the engine started.
Well, at least I have something to look forward to every morning when I force myself to get up of bed and drag myself to school. Seeing her is perhaps the best thing about school. Though sometimes I'll be rather distracted in a crowd. I know that i can get quite crazy and loud when I'm with bunch of ppl. Still, my eyes will be on you. This is perhaps the very 1st blog entry delicated to you after saying for so long. Well, I understand why you will feel neglected at times, I'll probably feel the same if I were you. Yet, I figured I'm just like that when I'm in a crowd. Thanks for trying to understand and bearing with me. Not many can. I must say that I'm glad to be with you. Fortunate I must say I am.
I kind of digress from my issue that this hols is not quite the same as the norm. Well, like I said at least I wun mind school that much with you around. Still to all my fellow classmates : Happy Holidays.
Well, although vacation is supposed to begin tomorrow yet I'll still be waking up early and be on my way to NUS simply for a 1hr lecture on Pathology. Which kind of sux. And I realised that its going to be this way for quite a no. of days. So I guess I'll still be in school rather often. On top of that, I figured that this holiday should be renamed as a study break. Well right after my hols there will be 4 tests coming. Dental materials which till now I have no idea where to read up from. Occlusion which I have managed to sustained a 100% sleeping in lectures record. (Reason I dun sleep in Dental Material is becoz its Prof Chew conducting the lecture who will have no qualm to kick your ass right out of his class). Pathology, which without background of Histology I'm still in a total blur. Pharmacology, the best amongst all I figured I managed to listen in lectures but still without a text to refer to I'm still kind of lost. Well I guess the worse part is that I am totally not in the mood to mug. Perhaps that thinking needs reformation. Better be within these few days. I know I've got to work.. Perhaps its just a bit hard to get the engine started.
Well, at least I have something to look forward to every morning when I force myself to get up of bed and drag myself to school. Seeing her is perhaps the best thing about school. Though sometimes I'll be rather distracted in a crowd. I know that i can get quite crazy and loud when I'm with bunch of ppl. Still, my eyes will be on you. This is perhaps the very 1st blog entry delicated to you after saying for so long. Well, I understand why you will feel neglected at times, I'll probably feel the same if I were you. Yet, I figured I'm just like that when I'm in a crowd. Thanks for trying to understand and bearing with me. Not many can. I must say that I'm glad to be with you. Fortunate I must say I am.
I kind of digress from my issue that this hols is not quite the same as the norm. Well, like I said at least I wun mind school that much with you around. Still to all my fellow classmates : Happy Holidays.
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