School Is Like Dementor

2 days of school. That's all it takes to remove all happiness in me. So much for the festive season. Thank to the 5 day weeks, the school is giving us crazy schedule. 0800-1730 i thought was bad. They decide to give us extra lecture as and when they wish until 1830 today. I foresee it might well continue this way.

Labless day is killer, fighting the Zzzz Monster ever since morning. And yah I was late for school this morning, just the 2nd day. Well, I guess, I'm suffering for post-hols sydrome, and pre-exam sydrome at the same time. Dun really know why I am damn stressed up these days. Can't explain, perhaps my instinct tell me that things are going to be real bad for this crazy short term. Come to think of it its just 13 weeks and I'll (hopefully) be in Year 3 and will be starting to see patients.

Realised that my abilty to do my work properly is really not there, in other words, I'm still not comfortable with my use of indirect vision. Most of the time, the water spray will blured everything, and I'll resort to tactile sensation or worse unethical use for direct vision if its a female patient, probably she'll be screaming of molest. I see more problems with my bad posture once I enter clinic. Got to try correct it soon I hope.

Guess, i should waste precious time writing, sleep is priority now. Anytime and anywhere.

Christmas Party Once More

Just got home from Class Party at Geng Feng's house. Lotsa missing faces compared to last year, but still its always nice to have a reason to gather around together. Where u will start playing funny games that u might have long forgotten. Bear and hunter game reminded me of the Chinese New Year Celebration at Teck Siang's house long long time ago. Though images of the night are still vivid in my mind.

Anyways, thanks to all who came, and geng feng who has kindly offered his place, and of course to Yonghe who planned most of the stuffs. Hopefully, we'll be able to hold such parties even after we graduated from Dentistry. Nice memories like these, I hope will be sustained. Wish of another CYN celebration at Teck Siang's house with those faces I yearned to see, and emotions I fondered for, seems impossible. What's lost cannot be found.

Time flies, I still remembered my Christmas entry 1 year ago, also after the class party. I'm amazed at how things have changed, and changes beyond my control. Friendship, I admit I spoil it. Trying to revive I swear I tried. But things can never be the same again. Well, that's life I guess, you win some, you lose some. The privilege to buy Lulin a Christmas gift is something I've won. Not predicament like Wei Song has jokingly put it. Guess I'm tired, not making any sense now.

Have Urself a Merry Little `X'mas

DAMN I FAILED

Got a bad news from Wei Song today. I failed my radiology competency test. I must say that I really didn't expect that to happened. Until I realised that what I failed was the Bitewing competency part which was invigilated by A/P Loh Fun Chee. I can't help but to think that he failed me becoz I had once stepped on his toes before, and I'm not exactly a very well behaved student in class, rather than the fact that I am incompetent.

I'm sorry if I do sound arrogrant, I have complete confidence in my radiograph taking ability especially for bitewing. I have taken no less than a 100 bitewing radiographs before, and was sure that I did rather well that day. Anyways the results is fixed, there is no way that I could argue that I did correct that day since he is the only one who could give judgement. I really feel I do not deserve to fail. If I ever find out that he failed me just becoz he was prejudice towards me, which in fact I have already assumed so. He will lose the very bit of respect I have for him.

Damn, I sounded like I can't take failure. But I believed those who know will understand why I can't help but to think this way. If I really deserved to fail, I will jolly well take it as a learning opportunity, but I hated to have failed just becoz I'm not in favour of the examiner. No matter whether he judge me as failed or passed. All I have to say is I have total, complete confidence that I am capable of taking radiograph for my future patients. I do not need him to judge my ability, but sad to say, I need him to pass me just for me to move on and be able to start clinics.

I hated this system, where ppl who play as judges r never impartial. Some better, some worse. I'm Disappointed.

I've Got Mail(SMS)

Now I believe. Believe in telepathy. I was at home the whole day waiting for Lulin's call. Spent my day in front of the TV set. Refused to go out for lunch, dinner and supper, afraid that she might call and I'll miss the call if I were to be out.

As the day goes, I got more disappointed. Finally, I was lying on my bed, about to send her a good night sms telling her about my day, telling her I spent my day waiting for her call, telling her I missed her. I thought that all my smses ever since she left have never reached her becoz I thought she dun have autoroaming. Wanna surprise her when she come back and find that her phone full of my smses.

Anyways as I was halfway through my good night sms to her, I got a msg. I read the msg and couldnt believe my eyes that its from her. She has to save batt so we only got to sms chat for a while. But now, I'm so happy that I couldn't sleep. I thought I would not have any news of her for the day, was hoping for better luck tomolo already.

I realised that she has been receiving my sms, perhaps she thought I've forgotten about her for today thats why she decided to msg me. I admit its my fault coz I thought a goodnite sms would suffice for a day I spent doing nothing at home, so sorry that I'm a fool.

Perhaps, this entry seems a bit too personal, but I just wanna share my joy. Perhaps I just wanna note this feeling down while its still rushing through me. Damn I guess I can't sleep liao. 4 more days before she will be back.

Random Pictures Of Buildings

A Day With Me & Myself

Well, I realised I've have not been spending time with myself. Yesterday was quite rewarding for me. I went around town just to get a study chair. In the end I got one at the Furniture Mall. Not that the design is anything that I liked. But the fact that its rather affordable compared to all those that I've seen. Besides that I have to DIY fix the chair myself give me the extra bonus to buy it. That's one of the reasons why I like Ikea stuffs coz I love to fix things up myself.

Anyways, as I was saying spending the day walking around alone maybe quite rewarding as well. I get to see the stuffs that I like, and probably I'm the only freak that love to shop (window shop more appropriately) for furnitures, walk around taking random pictures of buildings and stuffs. It felt so much better a day compared to spending my day bumming at home or walking aimlessly at Orchard. Well, like I said, I'm a freak.


The Chair I Really Wanted.

Can you believe that this chair actually cost $990 but can get its imitation for around $130. This was taken at the furniture museum where they show many different chair designs back from the 1800s to present. Got lotsa toy like models on display as well. Too bad I was stopped by one of the staff from taking more pictures.

Well, its a nice day being alone.

She Left On A Jet Plane

This is the 1st night. I really missed talking to her on phone. I think back of all the times I multitasked while chatting with her. I regret. Walked around town today, images of us walking along the same path keep flashing. Lunching at Lido which we often does, Bench Resting the at City Link which we always take photos of walking feet, Pacific Coffee Company which we retopping up the whip cream. When she's back we'll go again. She said she will call (if she could) halfway through her trip, I'm looking forward to that. Hopefully she got internet access there and see my blog. Perhaps then I wun need to wait so long.

Anyways, today met up with the guys for lunch, movie and ice cream. Suddenly, school seems to be so much real again to me. Nice to get back in touch with reality. But now, I'll still enjoy while i could. Thanks for waking me up. Looks like my choice of lending my friend WC3 cd is indeed correct. Though my initial intention is so that I can stop multitasking when talking to Lulin and getting my biological clock right. But look at the time, I dun need dota to keep me up at night, TV can as well.

Meeting with friends, makes me glad. Perhaps, more for friends that I can confide in. I must admit Andy is a great listener. Sorry to bore you. Maybe I dun show well. But, I'm glad to have made a frd like u. Meet again when Eugene is back. Another friend I'm glad to meet and not lost. Appreciate u friends, they are more important than u ever think they are. They wun realised themselves too. I'm sadden that I've let so many go.

I think too much as always, future seems to much for me too bear. I see gloom. I despaired. Perhaps, simple way to handle is to focus on the present. Why waste energy on things which need no more attention now.

PEACE PLEASE

Supposed to be my mugging day. Apparently it didn't work out. Spent most of my time finding out stuff that I think is rather irrevelant to my coming tests. Somehow the death of Arafat sort of have a impact on me. To me, I never thought that I will even care. However, seeing how fragile peace is in Israel. I can't help but to feel lucky that things turned out right for Singapore. We were just as fragile in the 50s. Can't help but got to say a word of thank to MM Lee. Well, personally I do have great admiration for him. Perhaps, not all Singaporeans.

Maybe, once u got peace, you dun seems to treasure it as much. Many like me have no qualms of going to sleep every night and assuming that life will be as per normal the next day. Not so for those in Israel I guess. Just wanna tell ppl that please don't take the peace, stablility and safety for granted. I do that all the time. And perhaps learn to appreciate the government more, although I must say that I do get irked with some policies made. Still it should not overwrite the merits.

Anyways, Peace to Middle East. I hope.

For Lulin

This blog is going to be delicated for my gal. This very 1st line is so hard to write. Perhaps, I'm just paiseh to shout out to the whole world that I'm so in love with her. So everytime when I wanna write about all the nice nice things she has done for me. I would be rather subtle. Or perhaps, I'm just selfish. I refused to share all these stuffs with other ppl. Think I really dun wanna share.

Never will I praise her, so that others will never get to see why she is the love of my life. Legolas once joked that why on earth will I fall for a gal like her. I said, I've found a treasure that he has failed to see.

I'm not saying she is perfect. Well, perfect for me though. I guess I shd not continue. Dun wanna turn my blog into a love letter station. Our privacy r our own. I just wanna tell the world and her, I'm glad I've found her. I know u r not perfect, and I'm sorry that neither am I. Hope u r glad to be with me.

Loneliness?

I concluded I am afraid of loneliness. I dreaded coming home today becoz I know the whole of my family are staying over at Downtown East Chalets tonight. Maybe I'm just born this way. I love to be with ppl. Perhaps, I feel so much more secure. Actually not. I realised I just don't like to be alone. And I can be secure alone like now. Most ppl actually ended up spending most of their life alone. I hope I won't.

Fortunate me had Lulin. She decided to eat dinner with me. That made my day I guess. Even getting a C for my Pharm test dun upset me. (Pls note that I am a rather competitive man. Maybe some might say that I shd not complain since I have passed.) Just wanna thank her. Too tired now to write now. Perhaps another day.

SIANZzzzz.

Before I knew it, weekend is already over. Its just sad that I did not do anything that I wanted to. Perhaps life is just mundane for me. School is just too long. Everyday even Saturday, I barely had enough rest and fun, and I and jumping back to work again.

I am really quite sick of this cycle. Yet come to think of it, what can I do if I were to be given the time? I had the whole of today, but there is just no one that I can go out with. Even if there is, I can't think of anything that I would really like to do. Maybe, I would like to go down to the beach, go to Downtown East or just go relax somewhere perhaps a spa. Actually, as long I can be with someone I wanna be with, I dun mind stoning.

Well, maybe this is going to sound rather loser, something that I hate to admit. There is nothing constructive that I have done over the weekend. SIANZ.. is the exact word to describe. I need some excitements in my life. Well, I going to jump back into mugging again when all the tests starts coming, maybe by then I won't have the chance to think of all these stupid stuffs.

Pardon the lousy entry, I'm writing crap, just wanna vent some frustrations.

Problematic PBL and Me

Again come the time to struggle between writing or sleeping. I write.

I've spent most of my hometime staring at this screen today, simply for the problem-based learning(PBL) session tomolo. Perhaps, I seriously dun take this lesson seriously. Yet thru the search for the materials (actually its dental materials) I'm supposed to present tomolo, I've found several more interesting facts of dentistry. However, I shall not burden u guys with something that "interesting", coz I presume most will not even have the slightest keeness of knowing more about them. Of course unless u r a dental student, even then still maybe not. Well, anyways the story end of the same way. I'm going to smoke my way (hopefully) through tomolo. I swear i did put in effort to get my work done for the past 3-4 hrs.

I did not realised I was on the com for so long, perhaps becoz I was chatting with Lulin and sending her photos with the HELLO picture sharing program. Its really quite cute. Smiley faces will zoom down the screen when u msg ur frd a smiley face. (She is my only frd on the list, ie its exclusive) Though I was stunned the 1st time I saw it. Anyways, we managed to keep ourselves entertained and at the same time struggling to search for journals with my super slow navigator.

A small surprise today, kept me happy for the day. Its now in my cabinet of nice, nice things.

I guess the only worry I have is my backache, simply becoz its weird. Perhaps, I'm the only one who got backache while swallowing food, provided I ate with my right hand. Left is fine. Who on earth can believe this except myself? Even I can't. Somehow my MVP doesnt seems that bad anymore, Prof said most ppl dun die if proper treatment is adminstered if an infection does occur. So I guess my worry of me collapsing out of the blue is kind of silly. Perhaps, I may still collapse well at least its comforting to know that probably I can be saved. Most importantly of all, I study at NUH, if I were to collapse in school, help is super near.

Treasure Health, Worship Life.

Soul Therapy

Sadly, I struggled to decide whether to write my blog or do other more worthy stuff, such as studying for my test on coming Saturday and sleeping. For once I defeated the Mug Devil and Zzz Monster. I figured that I should write for soul therapy. Perhaps after not writing for so long, I've lost touched. Lotsa of thoughts rushing, yet no words typing.

Things are moving very fast for me. So fast, I felt I was in a dream.
Things are changing rapidly around me. So rapid, I felt I was left behind.

Works comes and works done, I questioned if I've learnt enough. The very fact that I could possibly graduate in 2yrs 8mths time delight me, yet cast fear in me. The simplest question: Do I know what I am doing? Remained a myth. I could do labworks, I could study for tests, I could attend lectures and pretend I understand. But does it equates to my competency. I swear I've tried. I've reassured. I've yet to convince myself. I am always trying to move faster, ahead of the crowd. Maybe I'm competitive, maybe I don't feel good behind, perhaps I feel good to be ahead. Whatever the reason, the cause. The fact is that I do rush. I bet the whole of my class too. But is that a reason good enough for me to compromise? I've compromised I know I did. Perfectionism is a thing of my past. Perhaps, the only comfort I can get is the fact that I do understand. I know what I am doing. I shall not doubt my peers though I do worry for some. Yet, why worry?

The relationship of the class has changed and is changing. Eugene once said only change remained constant in life. Perhaps, this change was unsurprising though rather uncomfortable. Groups formed or should I just said friendship forged. I was upset that I was excluded in some, yet glad that I've found more worthy companions. Somehow, I felt that groups are always formed when people started excluding others, and eventually form a group of people that have not been excluded. Fortunately or unfortunately, this is the way people behave. I should have taken things at its stride, yet a comment recently struck me hard.

"People are less friendly these days"

I said no, though I figured its rather true. People are only friendly to those in their "group", although some are less exclusive than others. I dun blame them, in fact I do behave that way as well. Though I do feel uncomfortable under that setting. I keep looking through the class photo last year and tried to recall how nice it was when everyone likes everyone. Perhaps its the competition in school, or perhaps its just natural that things move this way. My only hope is that I dun hear bad-mouthings or backstabbings. I only feel safe with those that I could trust. Maybe that's another reason why people group together, just to feel safe, just to feel included. But its sad to see that ppl conformed for the sake of staying on in their own group. And yet again, perhaps its only natural that people do change.

That's quite a cynical and perhaps depressing entry. Well, at the very least, I am able to accept mouthings and stabbings better, and hopefully practise forgiveness. Be nice I'll try.

1st Picture

Me and Lulin

Well, finally I figured out how to put pictures on my blog. Good try I figured.

Com Screwed Again

I declare myself a total computer idiot. I stupidly downloaded the SP2 to update my laptop unknowningly that it clashes with the NUS system. And therefore the whole system crashed again. Once again I cannot access my wireless that I am paying almost 70 bucks every month. Well, looking at the brighter (less dim perhaps) side, I will not be wasting time on MSN and can spend more time on sleeping or mugging for my coming tests.

Well, so far so good, just left with a Pharmacology Term exam coming next Friday. The rest of the tests went quite well I guess. Given the lack of motivation and effort, I guess getting a pass will be more than sufficient for me. Somehow I've lost that drive, or maybe I have diverted it to my lab work that seems to be more impt to me now.

Anyways, life as a dental student is just gonna be as such I figured. Stuck in a viscious cycle of tests after tests, lab works and more lab works. Sometimes, I'll feel so guilty for not catching up with my old friends. Especially now with my internet down and msnless. Well, take care ppl, dun forget me, I'm still alive though school is tough. Somehow I figured that we will always get there (graduate with our dearest BDS).

Signing off.. using student lounge computer..

Holiday? Not Quite..

Finally the long awaited so-called holiday came. School ended well with 2 impressions and 4 casts poured. Not to forget Trifac bash where the Juniors came in 1st in the dance competition. Quite a surprise to bump into a couple a old friends that night. Wendy came as one of the judges and Wee Lin which I met while giving out the door gift with Lulin. I went thru the day with my stupid flu and sore throat which is showing no signs of recovery. Sleep more perhaps I should.

Well, although vacation is supposed to begin tomorrow yet I'll still be waking up early and be on my way to NUS simply for a 1hr lecture on Pathology. Which kind of sux. And I realised that its going to be this way for quite a no. of days. So I guess I'll still be in school rather often. On top of that, I figured that this holiday should be renamed as a study break. Well right after my hols there will be 4 tests coming. Dental materials which till now I have no idea where to read up from. Occlusion which I have managed to sustained a 100% sleeping in lectures record. (Reason I dun sleep in Dental Material is becoz its Prof Chew conducting the lecture who will have no qualm to kick your ass right out of his class). Pathology, which without background of Histology I'm still in a total blur. Pharmacology, the best amongst all I figured I managed to listen in lectures but still without a text to refer to I'm still kind of lost. Well I guess the worse part is that I am totally not in the mood to mug. Perhaps that thinking needs reformation. Better be within these few days. I know I've got to work.. Perhaps its just a bit hard to get the engine started.

Well, at least I have something to look forward to every morning when I force myself to get up of bed and drag myself to school. Seeing her is perhaps the best thing about school. Though sometimes I'll be rather distracted in a crowd. I know that i can get quite crazy and loud when I'm with bunch of ppl. Still, my eyes will be on you. This is perhaps the very 1st blog entry delicated to you after saying for so long. Well, I understand why you will feel neglected at times, I'll probably feel the same if I were you. Yet, I figured I'm just like that when I'm in a crowd. Thanks for trying to understand and bearing with me. Not many can. I must say that I'm glad to be with you. Fortunate I must say I am.

I kind of digress from my issue that this hols is not quite the same as the norm. Well, like I said at least I wun mind school that much with you around. Still to all my fellow classmates : Happy Holidays.

Finally... I'm Back

Finally, this supposedly helpful, useful or whatever piece of technology is fixed.. In fact, its not really fixed yet. Still have some screw up here and there that I just can't pin point. For all who dunno my laptop was down since donkey months ago. I just checked my mails and realised that I have a good 150 emails b4 my mailbox was declared flooded. So sorry to all that have emailed me or been trying to contact me through the internet. Well, I was too lazy to go through all the mails as well.. so I sort of pressed Ctrl A and Del.. Erm.. so dun be surprised if u dun get my reply.. Not that its worth anything.. Well.. So many things happened within this few months that I can even believe how I survived so long without the internet.. Maybe becoz I got other focus in life :)

Anyways will be writing something more decent the next time. Kind of tired after trying to figure out how to fix this thing for so long.. Sorry to my fans if there is any that u guys waited so long. And i've lost all my emails contacts so friends out there if u see this entry can u please just drop me a mail. I swear i wun anyhow delete anymore.. I hope..

Fight Back To School

Well, so far so good. 1st week of school is just 1/2 day away from over. I guess the pressure has not built up yet. Maybe we r kind of used to the lab lifestyle. Its no longer that much of a cultural shock to me anymore. I have gotten used to the fact that we will be rushing to finish the unfinishable job no matter how fast u can be. So the best way is simply to take things at ur own pace and just got to make sure that u dun fall to far back behind. To the few who got the bad news again on Monday. Dun get disheartened. Coz the race has just started only. We will get there eventually together. Still we have to work hard just to make sure.

Perhaps all the tests and bugging stuffs have not enter the stress picture yet. That's why I am still going out every other day. Maybe I shd take some time to rest and stop fall asleep in class and not miss anymore class(which I have in fact missed 2 for the 1st week). So much for school I guess.

I've got a couple of good news for the week I guess. That have kept me entertained and delighted for the week. The upset will probably be Portugal's defeat again and my laptop is getting from bad to worse, Trojan Bugs proliferate. Can't wait to go get my Adidas Bag.

Last Day Of Hols & Euro.

What a great way to spend my last day of the holidays. Bumming ard at home doing nothing. Read camera user guide which luckily turned out to be quite useful. Watched a super duper lame HK VCD. Slept my afternoon away. The most exciting today is probably getting to drive my cousin-in-law Hyundai Sonata. Well, its definitely one of the largest car I have driven. I was a bit shocked when he asked me to drive his car and tell me that if i need the car I can ask from him if I want to. Well.. I would really like to drive for APDSA and 75th Anniversary dinner though, but still driving someone else's car still have a certain stress factor. I was rather tense coz I really dun wanna cause any damage. Moreover he entrusted me with the car without doubt. Anyways, I'm quite a safe driver I must say.

I was thinking back of this hols and was glad that it was quite well spent. I have more happy days than sad days. Nothing can really upset me except for one I guess. Someone asked me how's things going? All I can said is things are fine I guess. The truth is that I am not quite sure how I ended up in thing situation. But I'm okay with it. So just let things be I guess.

Not much inspirational thoughts these days. Sorry for the boring entry. Guess the incoming entries will be more on bitching about work and school. And Lets Hope Portugal Can Beat Greece Later!

Just Updates

Many have commented that I have not been writing. I guess really have nothing significant to say that I could say here. Anyways this 3 weeks hols is rather enjoyable. Although most of the time I spent in on the coming FOC, be it for presentation, for games and canvassing. I really do find working together with my classmates very enjoyable. We are always make working together fun, Perhaps with the crap we crapped. Except for the rude doctor I've met on Friday. The whole FOC preparation has definitely been more enjoyable than I have expected myself to.

I have always been a rather individualistic person. I usually dun like to work in group even in pair. Perhaps, I am rather self-centred or I just simply like to work alone. Well.. I guess we all have to learn to work with others. I think I am not doing a fantastic jobs. Coz misunderstandings always happen becoz I rarely see others' view I guess it really voice down to my style of work. Sorry to those that I have irritated becoz of my insensitivity. I really do not mean it. I will try to work better with u guys but please try to understand.

Anyways, class gathering was quite nice. Its quite a homely gathering, its always nice to see the old faces around. Doing some catching-up with these old friends. Pot-Luck did not screw up this time round, thanks to Wayne. Too bad we did not get to kill Pinakin. Maybe some other time. Anyways got to thank Wayne for offering his place. Eugene for coming out with the idea. And everyone who brought food including myself. By the way, Shuling ur mudpie is really very nice, although I indeed got tummyache after that. U will make a good housewife.

Hopefully this entry can satisfy some of my loyal readers like Wanyi.