Many have commented that I have not been writing. I guess really have nothing significant to say that I could say here. Anyways this 3 weeks hols is rather enjoyable. Although most of the time I spent in on the coming FOC, be it for presentation, for games and canvassing. I really do find working together with my classmates very enjoyable. We are always make working together fun, Perhaps with the crap we crapped. Except for the rude doctor I've met on Friday. The whole FOC preparation has definitely been more enjoyable than I have expected myself to.
I have always been a rather individualistic person. I usually dun like to work in group even in pair. Perhaps, I am rather self-centred or I just simply like to work alone. Well.. I guess we all have to learn to work with others. I think I am not doing a fantastic jobs. Coz misunderstandings always happen becoz I rarely see others' view I guess it really voice down to my style of work. Sorry to those that I have irritated becoz of my insensitivity. I really do not mean it. I will try to work better with u guys but please try to understand.
Anyways, class gathering was quite nice. Its quite a homely gathering, its always nice to see the old faces around. Doing some catching-up with these old friends. Pot-Luck did not screw up this time round, thanks to Wayne. Too bad we did not get to kill Pinakin. Maybe some other time. Anyways got to thank Wayne for offering his place. Eugene for coming out with the idea. And everyone who brought food including myself. By the way, Shuling ur mudpie is really very nice, although I indeed got tummyache after that. U will make a good housewife.
Hopefully this entry can satisfy some of my loyal readers like Wanyi.
Sunday, June 27, 2004
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Holiday Again
Finally special term is over. Yet as I compared this special term to the whole of my Yr 1 life. I definitely must say that special term is a lot more interesting and related to my course. I love working in the lab and clinic. Hated lectures these days. Perhaps becoz I find it very boring and dry. And I have this tendency to get caught sleeping in lecture though I always hide myself already. Anyways its over.
Yet come to think of it. Its only the beginning. I foresee our Yr 2 life to be as such. I can't wait to learn more and be more competent as a clinician. But to do that perhaps I should stay awake more often in lecture.
Anyways, still I thank god for the hols. Needed a break. Not much plans for the hols except to rest and play. Perhaps Swim, Windsurf and watch Euro and a long awaited JC-class outing. Hopefully can have more soccer sessions, coz I'm having a soccer fever.
Yet come to think of it. Its only the beginning. I foresee our Yr 2 life to be as such. I can't wait to learn more and be more competent as a clinician. But to do that perhaps I should stay awake more often in lecture.
Anyways, still I thank god for the hols. Needed a break. Not much plans for the hols except to rest and play. Perhaps Swim, Windsurf and watch Euro and a long awaited JC-class outing. Hopefully can have more soccer sessions, coz I'm having a soccer fever.
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Unlucky Yet I Felt OK
Well, before I start my entry on how bad was my day yesterday. I must thank all who showered me with care and concern. And Kenneth for special mention in his blog. Now let me begin.
Everything started with this small infection at my lower lip, which I must clarify once again that it is definitely not Herpes or STDs or watever. Its just an infected wound due to my itchy fingers. With that, my immune system starts to collapse ard the region. Lymph nodes starts to swells and suddenly I feel pain at the TMJ area on Monday. I foolishy thought that it will just go away after a while. I was wrong. It got worse at night and I think when the clock hit 12 midnight everything took a turn for the worse. The beginning of the worst day of my life. The pain kept me up the whole night. I might have dozed off for a few minutes before the pain woke me up again. I used ice and extra strong Panadol X2. Yet, nothing seems to help.
I am determined to go through my Occulsion lesson becoz there was a clinic session. I really dun want to miss it. Not only becoz I will lag behind the class, I will make my lab partner suffer with me also. Becoz we are supposed to practise our techniques on each other. Sorry Clement to have slowed u down. But the pain was really unbearable that I decided to skip the lesson. I spent the whole morning waiting and waiting which I can understand totally becoz I did not have an appointment. I even fell asleep while waiting in Clinic 1 after I was referred from the Dental Centre to the OMS department. Anyways, at the end of the day I was given painkiller and was told that I am probably suffering from inflamation of the muscles of mastication. And nothing can be done except to take pain killers.
I happily thought that this will mark the end of my ordeal. Took the painkillers right after lunch. Within an hour or so, the pain was NOT killed instead my right eye started to swell. I am once again disfigured. Given my vanity I might have died looking in the mirror. It was a sign of drug allergy reaction. That's it, I'm screwed once again. It swell so badly that I can't even open my eye. I thought that I might be blinded. Anyways, eventually I went back to the dentist who prescribed me the medicine. She explained what's happening and prescribed me another painkiller. They even decided to take a picture of me for teaching purposes. Well, I'm fine with it.
Actually, thoughout this whole thing I dun feel very upset or anything. In fact, I feel okay. Just think that I am indeed very unlucky for the day. Probably becoz I have a good frd with me. She accompanied me to get ice for my swollen eye (Which Kopi Tiam actually charged us for it!!) and back to the clinic and to the pharmacy. Although she also wanna skip the HRM lesson.
Sorry to Wanyi and Puiling that I keep falling asleep when I was supposed to do the presentation. I think I must be the medication that I took that cause drowiness.
Oh have I not mentioned that this is not the end to my unlucky day. I was drenched on my way home. I was like, oh thanks for making the already unlucky day worse. But a phone call came and I feel immediate relief.
But somehow, I still feel quite okay. Dun feel angish or sad at all. Thanks to all my frds who SMS or called me etc. Sorry for not able to go windsurfing with u guys. Hopefully this weekend I will feel better. So much for being unlucky. Thankfully today is a better day.
Everything started with this small infection at my lower lip, which I must clarify once again that it is definitely not Herpes or STDs or watever. Its just an infected wound due to my itchy fingers. With that, my immune system starts to collapse ard the region. Lymph nodes starts to swells and suddenly I feel pain at the TMJ area on Monday. I foolishy thought that it will just go away after a while. I was wrong. It got worse at night and I think when the clock hit 12 midnight everything took a turn for the worse. The beginning of the worst day of my life. The pain kept me up the whole night. I might have dozed off for a few minutes before the pain woke me up again. I used ice and extra strong Panadol X2. Yet, nothing seems to help.
I am determined to go through my Occulsion lesson becoz there was a clinic session. I really dun want to miss it. Not only becoz I will lag behind the class, I will make my lab partner suffer with me also. Becoz we are supposed to practise our techniques on each other. Sorry Clement to have slowed u down. But the pain was really unbearable that I decided to skip the lesson. I spent the whole morning waiting and waiting which I can understand totally becoz I did not have an appointment. I even fell asleep while waiting in Clinic 1 after I was referred from the Dental Centre to the OMS department. Anyways, at the end of the day I was given painkiller and was told that I am probably suffering from inflamation of the muscles of mastication. And nothing can be done except to take pain killers.
I happily thought that this will mark the end of my ordeal. Took the painkillers right after lunch. Within an hour or so, the pain was NOT killed instead my right eye started to swell. I am once again disfigured. Given my vanity I might have died looking in the mirror. It was a sign of drug allergy reaction. That's it, I'm screwed once again. It swell so badly that I can't even open my eye. I thought that I might be blinded. Anyways, eventually I went back to the dentist who prescribed me the medicine. She explained what's happening and prescribed me another painkiller. They even decided to take a picture of me for teaching purposes. Well, I'm fine with it.
Actually, thoughout this whole thing I dun feel very upset or anything. In fact, I feel okay. Just think that I am indeed very unlucky for the day. Probably becoz I have a good frd with me. She accompanied me to get ice for my swollen eye (Which Kopi Tiam actually charged us for it!!) and back to the clinic and to the pharmacy. Although she also wanna skip the HRM lesson.
Sorry to Wanyi and Puiling that I keep falling asleep when I was supposed to do the presentation. I think I must be the medication that I took that cause drowiness.
Oh have I not mentioned that this is not the end to my unlucky day. I was drenched on my way home. I was like, oh thanks for making the already unlucky day worse. But a phone call came and I feel immediate relief.
But somehow, I still feel quite okay. Dun feel angish or sad at all. Thanks to all my frds who SMS or called me etc. Sorry for not able to go windsurfing with u guys. Hopefully this weekend I will feel better. So much for being unlucky. Thankfully today is a better day.
Friday, May 28, 2004
Tired Me? Tired Me Not?
Been feeling really tired these days. Perhaps its work, perhaps I'm old, perhaps I need a jog but probably I just need sleep.
Yet, I've been enjoying what I have been doing these days. Its just like wat ppl says if u enjoy wat u r doing, you won't mind even if its tiring. U may not even think that its tiring at all.
Still, physically and logically I do feel tired. So I slept since 7pm today. And yes I went for a jog just now at 12am. Quite nice to jog tonight coz its rather cool.
Tonight is rather a onlineless night. I figured that most of us must have been tired. I see lotsa tired faces in school these days. I kind of get used to the routine of special term already. And all the negative feelings that comes with it. Stress, frustrations, irritations, helplessness, giddiness, messiness, hunger and at times anger. I guess all these are self-imposed. Like wat Wei Song says he has more or less seen it through.
Was listening to Ai Qing Bu Neng Zuo Bi Jiao. Though its now exactly a new song. But I somehow kind of like it still. Maybe I am able to show empathy to whoever that been through that kind situation. Anyways I think I shd go sleep so there will be 1 less tired face tomolo.
Thank God I smell weekend.
Yet, I've been enjoying what I have been doing these days. Its just like wat ppl says if u enjoy wat u r doing, you won't mind even if its tiring. U may not even think that its tiring at all.
Still, physically and logically I do feel tired. So I slept since 7pm today. And yes I went for a jog just now at 12am. Quite nice to jog tonight coz its rather cool.
Tonight is rather a onlineless night. I figured that most of us must have been tired. I see lotsa tired faces in school these days. I kind of get used to the routine of special term already. And all the negative feelings that comes with it. Stress, frustrations, irritations, helplessness, giddiness, messiness, hunger and at times anger. I guess all these are self-imposed. Like wat Wei Song says he has more or less seen it through.
Was listening to Ai Qing Bu Neng Zuo Bi Jiao. Though its now exactly a new song. But I somehow kind of like it still. Maybe I am able to show empathy to whoever that been through that kind situation. Anyways I think I shd go sleep so there will be 1 less tired face tomolo.
Thank God I smell weekend.
Monday, May 24, 2004
Helen Keller
Weekend was over before I even realised it. Spent well with meeting old frds. Things seems pretty much the same. Usual talking, irritating each other and laughing at stupid jokes. We are still the same though we all know that we have moved on. In one way or another. But some things never change.
Yet the weekend ended in a far from ideal way. Perhaps, I chose to be so pissed. But I am indeed upset. Thanks to cute, small little gal for her Chunky Kit Kat. She is also known as Fantastic Gal. Decided to extend that for 1 more week since u bought me Kit Kat.
Anyways this blog is delicated to my e-pal. Really thank you for the e-card. Ur sms, emails and now e-cards. They always come at the right time when I was feeling really down. In the card it wrote:
"Keep Ur face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Its what the Sunflowers do." Helen Keller
My favourite is actually from her too. It says: "Your Heart has its reasons that reasons do not understand."
Anyways I just wanna thanks those who I grumbled to and those who r there. Thanks
Yet the weekend ended in a far from ideal way. Perhaps, I chose to be so pissed. But I am indeed upset. Thanks to cute, small little gal for her Chunky Kit Kat. She is also known as Fantastic Gal. Decided to extend that for 1 more week since u bought me Kit Kat.
Anyways this blog is delicated to my e-pal. Really thank you for the e-card. Ur sms, emails and now e-cards. They always come at the right time when I was feeling really down. In the card it wrote:
"Keep Ur face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Its what the Sunflowers do." Helen Keller
My favourite is actually from her too. It says: "Your Heart has its reasons that reasons do not understand."
Anyways I just wanna thanks those who I grumbled to and those who r there. Thanks
Saturday, May 22, 2004
Good Weekday End
A good end to the weekdays perhaps. Finally, I managed to complete whatever lab work I have to do. Begining to enjoy doing them rather than to work fast simply for the fact of completing my schedule. Guess I was being rather impatient. Patience has to be cultivated I figured. Still have a lot to work on it.
Went to Bugis after discussing the "skit" which we took less than 1/2 hr. Perhaps we r quite bo chup, but somehow things will definitely work out somehow. I have faith in my grp that in one way or another, we definitely can create some form of entertainment. Make work fun, then its no longer work. Applies to labwork as well.
Very glad that we went out after school, though I have been out everyday of the week except Tuesday. Wanna get Wei Song's present on the spot but too bad that we did not find anything that suits him. Have to go present hunting another day. Was feeling rather bad that I did not know that its his bday on the coming Sunday until Wan Wah announced. Maybe I'm too preoccupied with myself. A personality test says I'm rather self-centred. Time for reflection again.
Something I realised for the past 2 days. Sometimes comfort dun come with words. Silence can bring lotsa comfort too. Though its resulted from us being too tired to think and talk. But I feel that if a person can be with another person and not talk at all and be at ease is rarer than to be able to talk and talk and talk none stop, coz talk is cheap. Treasure the comfort. Still striking a balance is still the best. A Good Weekday End.
Went to Bugis after discussing the "skit" which we took less than 1/2 hr. Perhaps we r quite bo chup, but somehow things will definitely work out somehow. I have faith in my grp that in one way or another, we definitely can create some form of entertainment. Make work fun, then its no longer work. Applies to labwork as well.
Very glad that we went out after school, though I have been out everyday of the week except Tuesday. Wanna get Wei Song's present on the spot but too bad that we did not find anything that suits him. Have to go present hunting another day. Was feeling rather bad that I did not know that its his bday on the coming Sunday until Wan Wah announced. Maybe I'm too preoccupied with myself. A personality test says I'm rather self-centred. Time for reflection again.
Something I realised for the past 2 days. Sometimes comfort dun come with words. Silence can bring lotsa comfort too. Though its resulted from us being too tired to think and talk. But I feel that if a person can be with another person and not talk at all and be at ease is rarer than to be able to talk and talk and talk none stop, coz talk is cheap. Treasure the comfort. Still striking a balance is still the best. A Good Weekday End.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Tired
I figured this will be another depressing entry. Rather upset over school and lab work. Perhaps I think too highly of myself. I am not that good afterall. I thought I will be able to handle my labwork pretty well. I thought wrongly I guess. I'm tired after only 1 week of this special term. So many more years to go. I hope I can get through.
Other stuffs bothered me today as well. I was feeling rather irritated. Maybe I should just go to sleep. And stop making this entry depressing.
Other stuffs bothered me today as well. I was feeling rather irritated. Maybe I should just go to sleep. And stop making this entry depressing.
Saturday, May 15, 2004
A Week
1 week down, actually only almost down coz tomolo I still have school. I hate school, work or anything besides sleeping on Saturday morning. Anyway, this week has been a rather different experience from what we have been doing for the previous terms. We have a lot more lab sessions, and are learning a lot new stuffs within this week.
Thank God, I understand most of the things becoz I have quite a fair bit of background knowledge. Maybe that's why I have a rather high expectations for myself. I was rather upset with myself that I am moving off rather slowly. Getting stuck at finding teeth and mounting them. Blame it on my laziness I think. Supposed to have done it over the hols. Depression started to set in becoz of some other reasons as well. Thankfully I managed to catch up quite a bit today. Thats all about work I figured.
Perhaps all my stress are self inflicted. If I were to be less competitive, I will feel more relax I think. But I think its really hard to keep up with my coffee breaks when I am behind time and when the whole world is working like crazy. Still, I am partially in hols mood. I rarely come home straight after school. Out to do things I like. Trying to make the best out of my day, when around 1/3 is spent in school. But I must say that I do really enjoy my lab sessions alot, doing stuffs that I like. Perhaps I can do better if I relieve the stress factors.
I always wonder how would it be like being the operator when I was still an assistant. Now I getting to know why dentist deserved to be well-paid. I am getting a bit proud of my soon to be profession. I really hope I can be an outstanding clincian. For my patients in the near future, I will make sure I know my work.
Thank God, I understand most of the things becoz I have quite a fair bit of background knowledge. Maybe that's why I have a rather high expectations for myself. I was rather upset with myself that I am moving off rather slowly. Getting stuck at finding teeth and mounting them. Blame it on my laziness I think. Supposed to have done it over the hols. Depression started to set in becoz of some other reasons as well. Thankfully I managed to catch up quite a bit today. Thats all about work I figured.
Perhaps all my stress are self inflicted. If I were to be less competitive, I will feel more relax I think. But I think its really hard to keep up with my coffee breaks when I am behind time and when the whole world is working like crazy. Still, I am partially in hols mood. I rarely come home straight after school. Out to do things I like. Trying to make the best out of my day, when around 1/3 is spent in school. But I must say that I do really enjoy my lab sessions alot, doing stuffs that I like. Perhaps I can do better if I relieve the stress factors.
I always wonder how would it be like being the operator when I was still an assistant. Now I getting to know why dentist deserved to be well-paid. I am getting a bit proud of my soon to be profession. I really hope I can be an outstanding clincian. For my patients in the near future, I will make sure I know my work.
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Findings
Today is quite a bad day. Bad start for school I think. Teeth problems, Heart problems, Hearing Problems and Sleeping Disorder.
Though, things did not turn out the way I would have liked it to. I am still glad that I am so sure on my part, almost never have I felt it before. Finding Nemo seems so much easier compared to me trying to find a way out of this circle. I think that Wei Hon is most likely to be correct. Still, I choose to be a fool. I forsee how things will end, though I still have hope. Why make myself so cheap I asked? Its going to be painful I know. In fact, I have started feeling the pain.
Sorry ppl, I just wanna complain. I think I am really not cut up to accomplish anything. Only know how to whine and complain where in fact nothing can be resolved at the end of the day. Quite a loser I figured. Suddenly, I think very little of myself. Where is the pride I used to have? I am finding.
Though, things did not turn out the way I would have liked it to. I am still glad that I am so sure on my part, almost never have I felt it before. Finding Nemo seems so much easier compared to me trying to find a way out of this circle. I think that Wei Hon is most likely to be correct. Still, I choose to be a fool. I forsee how things will end, though I still have hope. Why make myself so cheap I asked? Its going to be painful I know. In fact, I have started feeling the pain.
Sorry ppl, I just wanna complain. I think I am really not cut up to accomplish anything. Only know how to whine and complain where in fact nothing can be resolved at the end of the day. Quite a loser I figured. Suddenly, I think very little of myself. Where is the pride I used to have? I am finding.
Sunday, May 09, 2004
When U Grow Up.
Am I really undependable? I figured that I am. Irresponsible, I guess is part of my character. Eugene says there is something lacking in me now. I guess its the drive that I used to have. That focus that I used to have. The yearning of success. He says that I have to be more of a man. Not saying I have to act macho or whatever. Its more in the sense of a stronger character that I must become. Not about looking dependable, but I really must be. I must be sure that ppl can depend on me in times of needs. Emotional support, finacial support and morale support as well. Giving her the very basic sense of security. That explains her insecurity he said. Not just becoz I hit off better with gals.
It really makes a lot of sense. He really hit on the nail once again. Never fails to impress me with his clear thoughts. I really feel the pressure, not just for relationship, but also for my kinship. Very soon I will have to take over the responsibilities of my dad to take care of the family. Look upon it as a challenge I will. Though I still have no idea of what to do. We still believed in the statement that our parents used to tell us...
"U will understand when u grow up"
Maybe its this realisation. I suddenly feel old. Still I wish to stay young at heart. Many ppl mentioned that I dun seems as cheerful as b4. Perhaps, becoz of wat I know is waiting for me and I am still so not ready for it. But I am very happy to take on this incoming challenge. Maybe I indeed think too much. But I always prefer to be prepared than to be caught in a situation unprepared. That's why we have fire drills I figured. I will keep drilling myself for the sake of those that I love. I want them to feel safe to depend on me. I dun want to disappoint them. I know I wun. For my dearest mum. Happy Mothers' Day.
It really makes a lot of sense. He really hit on the nail once again. Never fails to impress me with his clear thoughts. I really feel the pressure, not just for relationship, but also for my kinship. Very soon I will have to take over the responsibilities of my dad to take care of the family. Look upon it as a challenge I will. Though I still have no idea of what to do. We still believed in the statement that our parents used to tell us...
"U will understand when u grow up"
Maybe its this realisation. I suddenly feel old. Still I wish to stay young at heart. Many ppl mentioned that I dun seems as cheerful as b4. Perhaps, becoz of wat I know is waiting for me and I am still so not ready for it. But I am very happy to take on this incoming challenge. Maybe I indeed think too much. But I always prefer to be prepared than to be caught in a situation unprepared. That's why we have fire drills I figured. I will keep drilling myself for the sake of those that I love. I want them to feel safe to depend on me. I dun want to disappoint them. I know I wun. For my dearest mum. Happy Mothers' Day.
Thursday, May 06, 2004
Final Days
Final week. Last bit of fun I guess. Mood has been swinging for the past week. Many factors affecting. Actually wrote some stuff on it. But decided not to have it published. Its exclusive only to some. Anyways, been busy with quite a bit of stuff over the weekend.
Yesterday was spending money day. I realised money can simply disappeared if u r not careful enough. But it was quite fun I guess. Had my Subway, played pool and finally went to KTV though not with those I planned to go with. Still it was fun. In the end becoz i was so broke, I had to stay overnight at Eugene's place, becoz I dun have $$ to take midnight cab home. But I had a great chat with him. Always therapeutic to pour my thoughts into him. Thanks for being always there.
Though today, I do not have much activities. I am very happy. Happier than a programme packed day. Happy with swinging. Happy with walking. Happy with talking. Happy with u. I am easily satisified I figured. The long awaited Windsurfing is finally coming tomolo. Thanks Mao Jie for the lobang, and Lulin for settling stuffs for us.
Yesterday was spending money day. I realised money can simply disappeared if u r not careful enough. But it was quite fun I guess. Had my Subway, played pool and finally went to KTV though not with those I planned to go with. Still it was fun. In the end becoz i was so broke, I had to stay overnight at Eugene's place, becoz I dun have $$ to take midnight cab home. But I had a great chat with him. Always therapeutic to pour my thoughts into him. Thanks for being always there.
Though today, I do not have much activities. I am very happy. Happier than a programme packed day. Happy with swinging. Happy with walking. Happy with talking. Happy with u. I am easily satisified I figured. The long awaited Windsurfing is finally coming tomolo. Thanks Mao Jie for the lobang, and Lulin for settling stuffs for us.
Friday, April 30, 2004
Untrue Beliefs
I need to grow up. I am forever repeating my mistakes, again and again. Use my head I hope I will. My heart shouts so loud that I am always overwhelmed. Though my heart has shattered itself over and over again. It doesn't seems to learn its lessons. I have no idea (actually I do) how many times I have been through this cycle. Yet, I remain so optimistic, though I have been hurt over and over again. Life is unfair I always know that. But why am I always getting the unfair treatment. Till now, I am kind of used to it liao. Maybe I am born this way. Rather me than any of them. I always decide to do wat they deems fit. I can't bear to see them hurt I guess. So much easier to hurt myself I realised. I really, really wanted to be selfish for once, and do things my way. But seeing her I can't bear to. Weak spot, I guess.
Many things I believed are true seems untrue. I believed in sincerity, I never lack that, just that I don't seems wat I am. I believed if feelings r true and mutual, things will work. I believed that I can give unselfish love and be loved in return. Tested and proven, Life dun work in accordance to my beliefs. Well at least, I still have hope. Some beliefs have not been proven otherwise. I believed if its meant to be its meant to be. I believed someone out there will treasure and be worthy of my heart. I believed in HOPE.
This time, I think will be no different. Though I still hold on to the little hope that I have in my heart. Like I said I am really born this way. I always think that I am smart. But when it comes to relationship, trust me I am almost an idiot. Maybe like Wei Hon said. I may not be ready yet though I may think that I am. God has his plans he said. Maybe I think too much for my own comfort. Maybe, I do too much for her comfort. Try to be frd I shall. Hold on to the glimpse of hope like candlelight I will. Give me encouragements if u feel for me. I really need.
"To let go is like setting a prisoner free,
Only to realised that the prisoner was ME."
Many things I believed are true seems untrue. I believed in sincerity, I never lack that, just that I don't seems wat I am. I believed if feelings r true and mutual, things will work. I believed that I can give unselfish love and be loved in return. Tested and proven, Life dun work in accordance to my beliefs. Well at least, I still have hope. Some beliefs have not been proven otherwise. I believed if its meant to be its meant to be. I believed someone out there will treasure and be worthy of my heart. I believed in HOPE.
This time, I think will be no different. Though I still hold on to the little hope that I have in my heart. Like I said I am really born this way. I always think that I am smart. But when it comes to relationship, trust me I am almost an idiot. Maybe like Wei Hon said. I may not be ready yet though I may think that I am. God has his plans he said. Maybe I think too much for my own comfort. Maybe, I do too much for her comfort. Try to be frd I shall. Hold on to the glimpse of hope like candlelight I will. Give me encouragements if u feel for me. I really need.
"To let go is like setting a prisoner free,
Only to realised that the prisoner was ME."
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Starry Starry Night
I was very happy yesterday. I loved my hobby though I might ended up missing the last bus home. I got to know so much more. I will give more time, more effort, more faith, more sincerity and more love. I see another like, more likes. I may seem helpless, but trust me I am so not. For I know there is always hope, there is always me, there is always u to make things work. Nothing more I can say. Besides thanks. Thanks for coming into my life, thanks for letting me enter urs.
Last Night I looked out of my windows,
And start to match each star with a reason for loving you...
It was going so well,
Until I ran out of stars.
Last Night I looked out of my windows,
And start to match each star with a reason for loving you...
It was going so well,
Until I ran out of stars.
Sunday, April 25, 2004
Bad Reputation
My reputation preceeds me. Thats what Wei Hon said very long time ago. I never thought it is anything serious. But somehow now its coming back to haunt me. I have faith that we can work things out. I do not wish to convince with words. All I need is time. I will show. I will not rush. But please give me encouragements. I really need. Maybe I am too close to gals. Maybe I appear too Hua Xin. Time to reflect I think. Anyways, since things r already as such I shall let nature takes its course. I will try definitely.
Well, my mind is totally occupied by this matter I guess. No mood to think of work that has to be done. Canvassing, Presentation, Jam N Hop. Be responsible I tell myself, do wat I am supposed to do. But the truth is I am too lazy to. Thanks to my frds who r more responsible than me. Jing Rong for settling the Canvassing, PL and Wanyi for settling the Presentation. So I guess I have to do something about Jam N Hop.
Well, my mind is totally occupied by this matter I guess. No mood to think of work that has to be done. Canvassing, Presentation, Jam N Hop. Be responsible I tell myself, do wat I am supposed to do. But the truth is I am too lazy to. Thanks to my frds who r more responsible than me. Jing Rong for settling the Canvassing, PL and Wanyi for settling the Presentation. So I guess I have to do something about Jam N Hop.
Thursday, April 22, 2004
3 Days, 2 Nights.
Long story, how to begin. We finally had our very 1st class chalet. Fun, definitely. Probably a bit far from ideal. Perhaps, my previous chalets have a lot more shouting, screaming pillow fighting, heart to heart conversations and stupid yet memorable activities. Maybe, its the age. The older u get the more difficult to execute irresponsible behaviour. Yet, I find the chance of bonding is lower.
Perhaps, I'm indeed a pessimist. The disappointing sight always hit me harder than anything that is positive. Many left after the 1st night. Reasons being, wanna sleep at home, wanna watch TV at home. But I know its becoz they felt it was rather boring and nothing better to do to hang around. I do not blame them for feeling that way. There is a certain air of sian-ness floating around. I must say that the 1st night sleep they had is definitely far from comfort.
Perhaps, I should stop being an idealist. Thinking that everyone shd be spontaneous, shd be doing everything together and not separated into groups. But I realised that it is completely normal that ppl would prefer to be with ppl they are closer to, prefer to do things they like better rather than to compromise in order to be able to stick together as a class. The simple fact that we all r different individuals coming from different walks of life explains everything i figured. The truth why my previous class chalets seems to be ideal to me is probably becoz my friends and I are more similar and we were so young and crazy. We all wanna do the same thing together that explains why we never feel sian i guess. There is rarely any moment of peace and silence.
Maybe chalet shd belong to a thing of the past. I'm too old for it. Still its always nice to have everyone ard and staying over together. Bonding may not have occured as a class but definitely have occured within individual friendship. For that I am glad that I had the chalet. Nice Jenga games. Nijam still unstripped though. Great to have soccer watching with the guys, Geng Feng with his funny comments. Playing games in a stuffy room with everyone seems less of a torture. Soccer was fun but will be better if Clement and I never fall down. But still nice to see Lin Lin and Diana play, trust me they r good. Frisbe made more fun with all the masters of disguise and craps we crapped.
I wanna thank those who stayed the 2nd night so I can have ghost stories to listen to. I thank those who stayed so I wun have to end up checking out alone today. Special thanks to Wei Song and Mao Jie, for the short conversation at the beach. It really helps. Everyone shd thanks Dennis Tiong for he did all the shitty jobs of cleaning up the place for all of us and settling the money part so that everyone need not pay a single cent YET for this chalet. I thank ppl who never sleep with me to make a chalet a good time to spoil ur biological clock and be unhealthy.
Well... thats it I guess. Been quite a lengthy piece. And hope that u all had fun, for I had mine.
Perhaps, I'm indeed a pessimist. The disappointing sight always hit me harder than anything that is positive. Many left after the 1st night. Reasons being, wanna sleep at home, wanna watch TV at home. But I know its becoz they felt it was rather boring and nothing better to do to hang around. I do not blame them for feeling that way. There is a certain air of sian-ness floating around. I must say that the 1st night sleep they had is definitely far from comfort.
Perhaps, I should stop being an idealist. Thinking that everyone shd be spontaneous, shd be doing everything together and not separated into groups. But I realised that it is completely normal that ppl would prefer to be with ppl they are closer to, prefer to do things they like better rather than to compromise in order to be able to stick together as a class. The simple fact that we all r different individuals coming from different walks of life explains everything i figured. The truth why my previous class chalets seems to be ideal to me is probably becoz my friends and I are more similar and we were so young and crazy. We all wanna do the same thing together that explains why we never feel sian i guess. There is rarely any moment of peace and silence.
Maybe chalet shd belong to a thing of the past. I'm too old for it. Still its always nice to have everyone ard and staying over together. Bonding may not have occured as a class but definitely have occured within individual friendship. For that I am glad that I had the chalet. Nice Jenga games. Nijam still unstripped though. Great to have soccer watching with the guys, Geng Feng with his funny comments. Playing games in a stuffy room with everyone seems less of a torture. Soccer was fun but will be better if Clement and I never fall down. But still nice to see Lin Lin and Diana play, trust me they r good. Frisbe made more fun with all the masters of disguise and craps we crapped.
I wanna thank those who stayed the 2nd night so I can have ghost stories to listen to. I thank those who stayed so I wun have to end up checking out alone today. Special thanks to Wei Song and Mao Jie, for the short conversation at the beach. It really helps. Everyone shd thanks Dennis Tiong for he did all the shitty jobs of cleaning up the place for all of us and settling the money part so that everyone need not pay a single cent YET for this chalet. I thank ppl who never sleep with me to make a chalet a good time to spoil ur biological clock and be unhealthy.
Well... thats it I guess. Been quite a lengthy piece. And hope that u all had fun, for I had mine.
Saturday, April 17, 2004
Back To VJC
Back to VJC. I feel alienated. Probably, I feel old back to my old school. Still some things never change. The Western Food auntie is still as cute as ever, her Fish and Chip is still $2.30 and still taste nice to me. Maybe its the memory of the 99S12 having western food together makes me fond of going back and relieving the good old times. Sadly, none of them were back with me today. Only managed to see Mrs Chuah coz Mrs Teo is on course. She is still as motherly as ever. As always with out fails, she would rush me to find a gf quickly. Still its nice to be back.
Met Eugene later the day. We are such great frds, I always can't wait to tell him whatever gladness or sadness I have. Like I said to him, he is one of the few friends I treasured. Though I have many friends, or should I say accquaintances. There is none that I could share as much with. Perhaps to Wei Hon as well, though he is more of an elder brother to me. Good friends are hard to find. Friendships are hard to maintain. Treasure them I will. Close to my heart they will be placed.
Someday I should tape down my INTERESTING conversations with Eugene. We really know each other quite well. I'm quite interested to find out who ur future gf be like. U really have a simple yet difficult to find gal. Keep ur faith and hope, I'm sure someday ur princess will come. I was supposed to thank u for the treat. I buy u dinner when I am less broke okay.
Met Eugene later the day. We are such great frds, I always can't wait to tell him whatever gladness or sadness I have. Like I said to him, he is one of the few friends I treasured. Though I have many friends, or should I say accquaintances. There is none that I could share as much with. Perhaps to Wei Hon as well, though he is more of an elder brother to me. Good friends are hard to find. Friendships are hard to maintain. Treasure them I will. Close to my heart they will be placed.
Someday I should tape down my INTERESTING conversations with Eugene. We really know each other quite well. I'm quite interested to find out who ur future gf be like. U really have a simple yet difficult to find gal. Keep ur faith and hope, I'm sure someday ur princess will come. I was supposed to thank u for the treat. I buy u dinner when I am less broke okay.
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Singlehood VS Attachment
"One cannot pick all the beautiful shells on a beach, only can pick a few. They are more beautiful because there is only a few of them"
Anne Morrow Lindbergh
This was the quote of the day I saw on NEL. Its quite interesting in a sense that I can make inferences to beautiful shells to beautiful gals. Except u can only pick one instead of a few.
Is Singlehood better than Attachment? That was the debate today between me, Yonghe, Anqi and Wei Song (the only one attached). Somehow this kind of conversation will never have any conclusion. Still, its always interesting to see each other views on such topic. Somehow, the grass is always greener on the other side. Yet, singlehood is indeed quite enjoyable and more troubleless. Let nature takes its course I guess is the best way to end such thoughts.
Today, I'm damn proud of myself. I managed to survive with only $2. In fact I did not spend a single cent when I went out. Thanks to frds whom willingly let me share their fries and drinks. I'm a parasite.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh
This was the quote of the day I saw on NEL. Its quite interesting in a sense that I can make inferences to beautiful shells to beautiful gals. Except u can only pick one instead of a few.
Is Singlehood better than Attachment? That was the debate today between me, Yonghe, Anqi and Wei Song (the only one attached). Somehow this kind of conversation will never have any conclusion. Still, its always interesting to see each other views on such topic. Somehow, the grass is always greener on the other side. Yet, singlehood is indeed quite enjoyable and more troubleless. Let nature takes its course I guess is the best way to end such thoughts.
Today, I'm damn proud of myself. I managed to survive with only $2. In fact I did not spend a single cent when I went out. Thanks to frds whom willingly let me share their fries and drinks. I'm a parasite.
Worthy Holiday
Eugene commented once again that my blog is depressing. Well, maybe through pouring my pessimism here, I have became more optimistic. Today was my 1st attempt to stay at home to save money. I was bored by the time it is noon. So out I went to have lunch with the windsurfing people. Forced them to bum with me, esp my chio chio, blur blur, black black frd. We even went to see furnitures. I believed she saw some stuffs she liked as well. I found a nice chair finally, only $138. The only problem is its colour I guess. Still I shd not think of it now since I'm indeed quite broke.
I was disgusted today. Swearing and cursing is nothing new to me. But doing it to a gal in public definitely got me on my nerve. I believed they r a couple. As much as I would like to stop him, I did nothing. Perhaps, I am just another typical Singaporean. I can't give myself a reason good enough to go up to him and get him to shut his trap. Maybe some things you do not need any reason. Follow my heart I will next time.
I am labelled as a buaya by my chio, blur, black frd. Simply becoz I decided to offer a drink to the lady who allowed us to entertain ourselves with her toys for a really long time. I was just trying to show my appreciation to her with no ulterior motive. Yet that got me into that name. Well, doesn't pay to be kind these days.
Still, today is a good day. Coz I have made it worth calling a holiday rather than spending it bumming at home. Last of all to a frd I heard is sad. Cheer up please.
I was disgusted today. Swearing and cursing is nothing new to me. But doing it to a gal in public definitely got me on my nerve. I believed they r a couple. As much as I would like to stop him, I did nothing. Perhaps, I am just another typical Singaporean. I can't give myself a reason good enough to go up to him and get him to shut his trap. Maybe some things you do not need any reason. Follow my heart I will next time.
I am labelled as a buaya by my chio, blur, black frd. Simply becoz I decided to offer a drink to the lady who allowed us to entertain ourselves with her toys for a really long time. I was just trying to show my appreciation to her with no ulterior motive. Yet that got me into that name. Well, doesn't pay to be kind these days.
Still, today is a good day. Coz I have made it worth calling a holiday rather than spending it bumming at home. Last of all to a frd I heard is sad. Cheer up please.
Monday, April 12, 2004
Tired, Weary, Fatigue
Today, I'm tired. Slept late last nite becoz a bunch of us went for movie and supper. After that Yonghe, Dennis, Lulin, Diana and Wanyi came to stay overnight at my place. Sorry that its so cramp, sorry that its so cold and sorry that its so far. I guess I'm a lousy host. My house don't have much entertainment I realised. All I can offered is PG (not porn) VCDs and my bed.
Cycling in Ubin today was quite fun, though itchy, hot, sticky and I was chased by a dog. Well, dunno why they never chase Yonghe although he was the one who irritated them. I just look more bulliable I guess. Still, the day was great with COCONUTS and SUBWAY. Still now I'm tired.
I guess, I'm more mentally drained than physically. I have a thousand and one thing that I wanna do plus a thousand and one thing I need to do. Yet all I have done is ever since hols began are things I like to do. I'm simply too lazy to be bothered with the matters at hand. Last minute worker I guess, I am. I'm so tired from having fun that I have no wish for school term. It will come very much sooner than I thought it will be, definitely. In the meantime, I'll enjoy all that I need to, all that I deserved. Before I head back to hell again.
Cycling in Ubin today was quite fun, though itchy, hot, sticky and I was chased by a dog. Well, dunno why they never chase Yonghe although he was the one who irritated them. I just look more bulliable I guess. Still, the day was great with COCONUTS and SUBWAY. Still now I'm tired.
I guess, I'm more mentally drained than physically. I have a thousand and one thing that I wanna do plus a thousand and one thing I need to do. Yet all I have done is ever since hols began are things I like to do. I'm simply too lazy to be bothered with the matters at hand. Last minute worker I guess, I am. I'm so tired from having fun that I have no wish for school term. It will come very much sooner than I thought it will be, definitely. In the meantime, I'll enjoy all that I need to, all that I deserved. Before I head back to hell again.
Friday, April 09, 2004
Heart Problem
My heart beat. Faster and faster. I crapped, I laughed to hide my panic. I think I'm going to be dead again. Probably, I will be drowned coz I really can't tell how deep the water is. Testing, testing, I wish I could do a better job. I guess all I can do is to wait and see. Jumping in will kill me for sure. I'm wishing for hints and clues. Maybe I'm a fool. Coz wise men say only fools rush in.
So much for trying to write in riddles. Perhaps, all who read will know. A futile attempt I believed. Well, tomolo will be Good Friday. Thank U God for sending ur son to bear my sins. I so deserve it not. I hope I can be less ashame of myself.
So much for trying to write in riddles. Perhaps, all who read will know. A futile attempt I believed. Well, tomolo will be Good Friday. Thank U God for sending ur son to bear my sins. I so deserve it not. I hope I can be less ashame of myself.
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